Brave Enough To Be Bliss

I was nervous about meeting her since I couldn ’ t picture her and was afraid I might look right past her. As it got closer to the time to leave, I had a growing feeling there might be some spiritual connection to our relationship. The feeling grew stronger, and I became more fearful . It’s not that the idea bothered me exactly, it just seemed like it might be even more confirmation that it really could have been Jesus on my bed that night. It felt like a spiritual connection to Vrenda would make everything feel even more real, and even more real that my life was spared for a purpose beyond me. And that made me feel very uneasy, ill equipped and unprepared. I made sure to arrive extra early at the restaurant so she would be looking for me instead of me looking for her. We ended up getting together on January 23, 2024, and as soon as she walked in, I was relieved because I did recognize her even though I still couldn’t place how I knew her. We chatted for a few minutes about the holidays and the n I asked the hard, awkward question, “So, how did I know you?” Vrenda is six years older than me, so she explained she was one of the leaders of Youth for Christ, a Christian youth group I was involved in during high school. She said , “You were pretty closed off,” which wouldn’t surprise anyone who has known me most of my life. It isn’t that I wasn’t kind, it was just the way I self protected. I tried to prevent anyone from getting close enough to hurt me. Vrenda explained that she and her co-leader could see that I was in pain, so they decided Vrenda should try to get to know me outside of the group and encourage me to open up. She said she would periodically pick me up and we would go get something to eat or just drive around as people do in a small town. She commented that she enjoyed hanging out with me because I seemed much older than other girls my age. Vrenda said we developed a friendship where I began to ask questions about faith. I clearly must have developed a level of trust with her that wasn’t common for me to do. Referring to the night I wanted to end my life, she explained she picked me up and we drove to Manhattan. We were talking in the car, and I said, “Sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth it.” And she said, “ Of course it is, God loves you.” She went on to say, “You weren’t combative exactly, but you were very angry when I said that about God .” She continued to talk with me and eventually I calmed down. When she took me home, while she was still worried about me, she specifically asked me if I would be safe alone and I assured her I would. She went home that night but couldn’t sleep. She said she prayed all night that “angels would surround me and keep me safe.” At one point her mom came out and asked if she was OK and she said she was praying for a friend. That is why very early the next morning, she came over to my house to make sure I was alright. It was such a strange feeling to have someone explain a situation that I was so clearly a part of, but that I have absolutely no recollection of . I recognize her as someone familiar to me, but I don’t recall any of the events or experiences she explained that I was an active participant in. I have remembered all about the rape, and it no longer bothers me at all to talk about it, so I don’t understand why these memories have not come back to me . I am still hopeful that someday they will. Clearly, she was a dear friend to me at a time when I so needed a positive presence in my life that could help keep me safe. It was an evening and conversation I am so very grateful for since she could explain the actual story. My brain continues to amaze and confuse me simultaneously. Fortunately, Mom Sherri drove me there, so as we were driving home, I could process some of this with her. But it would take many more hours than the drive home for me to truly comprehend what I had heard and be able to send Vrenda the following message to thank her. Ginger Bliss sent, Jan 24, 2024, 3:48 AM : I wasn’t sure if you turn your phone off at night so figured this would be safer than a text. I can’t thank you enough for meeting me tonight. I so enjoyed seeing you and learning so much about what happened. It’s a lot to process, but good. And the Ted Talk has a perfect message I needed to hear. Thank you again for being a safe and trusted person I could talk with back then and now. I am so grateful for you! “We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.” Anaïs Nin

Vrenda: I had an amazing time catching up and sorting through what happened during that time. I'm sure that I'll remember a little more as I tap back into that time. I will always be a safe space for you to talk. You may never need it but it's there. You are an

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