Brave Enough To Be Bliss

friends, etc. It makes a friend of mine crazy because she thinks I should always do that with anyone I meet, but she trusts no one and I don't want to be like that. I just like to take people as they appear to me and get to know them as they are. Sometimes I have been warned people will be hard to work with or something like that, but I stop people when they start telling me because I don't want to hear it as I will develop my own relationship and reach whatever conclusions based on my interactions as any relationship is affected by both parties. Anyway, the point is, I've been hoping for several years now you would trust me enough to feel like you could talk to me about anything because it seems like several times you've gotten close to wanting to talk, hinted about things you are keeping inside or trying to work through, but then you stop short and I don't hear from you for months. Allen, I am telling you this now because I feel like you may need to hear that there is someone on this earth who doesn't judge you and who has gotten to know you simply as the flawed, imperfect human being you are today and who is grateful to have had that opportunity. So, if the story you may be making up is that once someone knows all your mistakes, they could never hire you, love you, etc. I want you to think of me and be able to tell yourself you are wrong. Many people may live in judgment, but not everyone, and once you can begin to look at yourself with the eyes of compassion that I do, you will give others the chance to know the heart and soul of you that I caught glimpses of and came to care for very much. I recently began to be able to pray again after working through a lot of painful things that happened to me and from figuring out my own views about God that differ or feel different somehow from some of the ways I was taught. I haven't previously been able to accept God's love because I couldn't love myself and because I couldn't feel and see Him as unconditionally loving and accepting of my imperfections. Regardless of the reasons for our shame, the fact remains Jesus died for each one of us and we can go to Him with all of it...the pain, the shame, the fear, just everything. And He hears us and forgives us. The hard part is learning to forgive ourselves. And there is a deep longing we all have for acceptance from another human being who can wrap their arms around us and help us feel that we are held just as Jesus figuratively holds us. A licensed therapist can't really do that. So, I just want you to know that if there's ever a time when you need to share whatever is in your heart and soul with another human, you are safe to do so with me. I do not judge you. I will not run from you. I see the goodness and potential in you. And I truly believe you will someday use your past mistakes to help someone else in some way. I hope you do not feel I was being dishonest, I just wanted you to learn to trust me and tell me all about you when you were ready. But since that may never happen, I wanted you to know I have known your publicly available mistakes since the second time you came to the office, and I did not and do not judge you. And I understand there may possibly be more that's not publicly available. Yet I still wanted to fully get to know the human you are today. I saw pain in those eyes from the first time I met you and however it needs to happen, I just hope and pray you will find someone to share it with so you can release it from your body and work through it fully in your mind and begin to trust and allow someone to get close to you. Maybe the reason is because you're at a crossroad with someone else and this is your encouragement to trust her enough. I don't know for sure, but I'm hoping in some small way this message is a gift to you and comes across with the deep care and concern I am sending it with.

And as I write that, it occurs to me, I need to learn how to trust someone and allow him to get close to me also. So just know I am far from having this life all figured out, but I'm working on it at least.

I am so glad you shared the photo from Father's Day with your kids as anytime I think of you, that's how I picture you. That was joy and you deserve all of that and so much more!

And if you worked through all that, and I misinterpreted you seeming like you wanted to share more and I'm an asshole for saying anything at all, I sincerely apologize. I trust you know me well enough to know my heart and that I would never intentionally hurt you or anyone. My intention is only to help build you up, make sure you know I care and know you're never alone in any struggle. If I don't hear from you, I will take that as a sign you don't want to hear from me again. I hope I do hear from you even if it's just to talk about your work, kids, whatever. I will never try to force you to talk about anything you don't want to, I just felt a nudge to be fully honest and share my heart with you today. If it was too much, I understand. Whatever may have happened to you in your life, no matter what you have ever done, I'm here and I care about the human being you are.

Allen, I want the very best for you. I hope you always remember how grateful I am for having met you. You touched my heart and made a positive impact on my life. ❤️

Shortly after I sent that email, I received a text message from him saying he would call on his way home from work. We ended up talking on the phone for about three hours and he told me his whole story. He was quite open and honest about it. He owned his behavior. He had shared his story with other men trying to make good come from the bad, but then he had a significant health issue and had to move to a new town and find a new job. And since then, things have gone downhill emotionally without the support he had previously. He had told me about the evening he was arrested and that while he was kept overnight in a jail cell he asked for a book to pass the time. I couldn’t recall the specifics of what he told me, so I asked if he could recap that for me and this is what he said, “ When I was in the jail cell reading through the Road to Emmaus book, David was who stood out the most to me. I would always picture myself as the main character of a story in the great

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