Brave Enough To Be Bliss

what he wants. I try not to make mistakes. I try not to disappoint him. I try to anticipate needs and desires. I try so hard to please him.

I try so hard to be loved.

“The same lesson will appear in different forms until you learn to respond differently.” Unknown

But that’s it. I don’t have to try. Just as Bianca Sparacino said, “…your person is going to be your person for the rest of your life. Not just when you are young and things are perfect, but when things get messy, and you make mistakes. And the world is less shiny. You have to make sure you have someone by your side who wants to be there. Someone who wants to support you and encourage you. Someone who gives you just as much effort as you give them. …Because there are difficult things in life. Really hard and haunting things that make it heavy and hurtful at times. But love should not be one of those things. Love should hold your hand and help you brave thos e storms. Love should be your safe place.” I am still refusing to share my heart with God. My brain continues to get in the way trying to protect itself. I want to believe His love is real and true and unfailing and unconditional and that if I start depending on Him, H e won’t leave me. I want to believe, but on e part of me can’t. It’s my brain. And it feels like my brain won’t ever believe because His love for me is beyond comprehension. It doesn’t make sense. It’s not logical. That is why I have to give Him my heart. Each and every day, even when it feels scary and hard and unsafe, because that is just my brain trying to protect me based on human experiences. But God is not human, He is divine and therefore even if He is referred to with male pronouns, He and Him and His, He is in a category of His own. He is safe. He can be counted on. He will never leave me. Epiphany. “One day a man was crossing a bridge in life but was scared so he turned and asked God, ‘Can I hold your hand so I may not fall?’ God said, ‘No, my child, I will hold your hand.’ He asked, ‘What’s the difference?’ God replied, ‘If you hold my hand and something happens, you might let go but if I hold your hand, no matter what happens, I will never let you go.’ May the Lord hold your hand tightly in all your way.” Unknown No matter what you’re born with, what is done to you, what you do to yourself, you are the only one who can decide what your life is going to be like moving forward. You can stay in the mire and mess, or you can pull yourself out of it and determine a new future for the rest of your life, one day at a time. I hadn’t communicated with Allen at all since the first of July, but while in Michigan I had a feeling I was supposed to reach out to him. I wasn’t sure why, and I didn’t initially have anything specific I wanted to say, so I just said something like, “H i, how are you ?” He replied quickly and still didn’t sound like he was happy with his job. I told him he should call sometime so he could share more details . I didn’t hear back, but a few hours later, I decided to send this email and began figuring out why I needed to reach out to him. Hey, not sure if you just got busy, if the word details made you nervous (I just meant what job would you like, what's hard at the current one, etc.), if encouragement to call made you nervous for some reason, etc. Just seemed odd since it sounded like you were initially good with hearing from me... It's ok, whatever the reason is, I was just curious because I'm trying to learn to communicate better and that's part of the reason I wanted to talk on the phone vs. default to my comfort zone of writing. I've been waiting for you to proactively share with me, but I get the feeling I'm supposed to tell you this today for some reason. Shortly after we first met about the project, I remember lying in bed late one night and I was prompted to search your name on the internet. It seemed like a ridiculous thought because I honestly have never done that before because I have always felt like I just want to get to know a person on my own, not have any preconceived ideas about who they are, what they think, their past, their Like everything, it will take time for my heart to open up. And that is why I have to be patient with myself and ask for His help. From: Ginger Bliss To: Allen Wed, Nov 1, 2023 at 4:35 PM

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