Brave Enough To Be Bliss

moments, such as, when David beat Goliath, Gideon and his 300 men going into battle. I'm Shadrack, Meshack, Or Abednego standing up to King Nebuchadnezzar. I'm Batman beating Joker. I'm Captain America saving the day. I want to be the hero of the story. BUT....in reality, I'm more like King Saul letting some little kid go fight my giant. I'm Gideon when he was doubting God. I'm King Nebuchadnezzar, being manipulated by his officials to make people worship him. I'm the villain, I'm the bystander, I'm on the other side of the story. That's not who I am, but that's where I've found myself standing. I mean, I was like David, when he lusted over Bathsheba. I was the guy that was full of lust and fully addicted to pornography, not seeing what effect that was having on others, my job, me. “ That night while in jail, I learned more about what the Bible was truly about reading that book than all the years I had spent in church. The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus gives the chronological guide of scripture of possibly how Jesus, after he was risen from the dead, told the people he was traveling with on the way to Emmaus (Luke 24:13-35). Verse 31 says their eyes were opened after they had broken bread with Him, and they recognized who He truly was. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom for our eyes to be opened. That's what happened to me. For the same reason you're writing this book, we want to help people not hit rock bottom for them to open their eyes. We can help save the pain and hurt that they don't necessarily have to endure and cast on to others. But at that rock bottom, I was truly alone in that cement room with a 1" foam pad to lay on. I had made it through 80% of the book in the 24 hours I was being held in that cell. There was a feeling of comfort that came over me as I knew I wasn't going to be battling through this alone then. I was going to share the truth with others. (It wasn't much of an option especially when you're having to be bailed out.) Accountability was beginning to be put in place. Sharing the truth of what happened allowed my support group to know how to stand, where to fight, how to hold me accountable. After that night I truly humbled myself before God and accepted true humility. When we show true humility before God, it takes away the power of what the enemy used to humiliate us. ” Thank you for sharing all that with me...I didn't remember or know the story very well. Such a good one and how amazing that was the book you were given to read that night and how amazing it is you shared this with me as it's so applicable to the book. I was connected with Ginger in the first place because of difficult spiritual questions I was asking...we didn't actually ever get to the spiritual questions because she was quite sure Jesus would agree her working on the self-hatred issue and keeping me alive was way more important. And it was true, I only recently have been able to pray again. I have wrestled with the questions myself, thinking I would have it figured it out, only to still struggle talking to God when I would try to pray. The first highlighted paragraph so speaks to me with that...and with the hesitation for all of us to look deeply within ourselves...it's hard, it's not a quick fix, we don't always understand and all of that makes us want to step back out of it and get back into our comfort zones. It's just really hard stuff...but sharing our stories and struggles person to person, as you and I finally have, reminds us we are never alone unless we choose to be. And that's how I've written this book...I use all kinds of ways to touch people's hearts and hopefully make them think because they can see me as an imperfect human, just a regular person, someone who could be their friend, someone who cares about all people. By making myself completely vulnerable so they can feel like they know me, they will connect with my words and see how even if they disagree with things I've done, they can begin to see me with compassion and take that experience and perhaps apply it to others in their world. I'm trying to create a relationship with the reader. I have to be real to them, not an expert, just a real person who struggles like they do...how Ginger was to me, as a coach so she could be a real person I could connect with. Where our sessions could be a place of intimacy and friendship. That's why it worked for me with her, and I could open up and trust her to take steps forward into places I never thought I could. After we got off the phone the night, I looked up the Road to Emmaus online to learn more about it, and then sent him this email.

Thank you for the inspiration!! We were meant to talk while I was here, I just know this was God inspired.

The following excerpts are taken from the link below, which I read after speaking with Allen on the phone that night. The portions in bold really felt familiar to me, as they are similar to how I need to understand, uncover layers of information in order to get to the real issue, need time to think things through, have a disconnect between my heart and my head, want to share everything in this book with other hurting people. It explains why Ginger was able to connect with me, give me hope and help me heal.

387