Brave Enough To Be Bliss

about money so much, but I’ll just be happy when we can live comfortably and pay all the bills -and not have to feel so behind all the time. I would like for us to be able to treat ourselves with a few things every once in a while….

July 14, 1993 …We arrived in Atlanta and despite some financial difficulty which worked itself out in the end -we had a good time. I can guarantee I would not have had a good time at all if you hadn’t been there. But that goes for everything now. When you are not with me , there is something definitely missing, and I just don’t feel complete without you by my side. I didn’t know how wonderful it could be to love someone so much and be loved so much by another that your whole life changed in the absolutely wonderful way min e has….I’m still adjusting to being so close to someone. It is a completely new experience for me and I thank you for being so patient with me. I trust you with all that I am, and I’ve never really trusted anyone before and definitely not to these extremes . Sometimes it amazes me that despite all my faults and shortcomings and all the mistakes I make- you still love me….I’m so anxious to make our lives together permanent in front of everyone. August 1, 1993 I picked you up from the Sunflower State Games last night about 11 p.m. It was a long evening without you. I’m not looking forward to staying by myself this week, even though that sounds silly. I lived by myself for so long and now I’m scared for a few nights without you. I guess in a way now that I have you in my life, I don’t want anything to happen to change what we have together. I want us to live a long life together and share all that life has to offer. It’s not that I’m scared of dying - I’m scared of missing out on anything with you. I hope if anything were to happen to me- you would always remember how much I love you. I’ve always been a person who didn’t know how to handle being happy or having things go right for me. Whenever things felt too good, I’ d start thinking about how much it was going to hurt when those feelings were gone. But with you, although I know there will be trying times, I’m so happy and I trust you so much that I don’t need or want to think about an end to any of the good things. I am going to spend the rest of my life loving you, caring for you, being there for you regardless of what your needs are, etc. I could go on and on. In my heart, I truly never believed there would ever be a man who could make me feel secure enough to make me want to take a chance at real love and lifetime commitment. No one in my life even comes close to comparing to you. You are all I will ever want and as long as I have your love, I couldn’t be happier! August 5, 1993 Tonight, I got home later than I had expected. I had to get a few things ready for Photo Day, but you were disappointed, and I didn’t call, and I felt bad. For the first hour and a half we hardly spoke. You said I held a grudge a long time- but it isn’t that really. When we have a disagreement or hurt each other’s feelings, I just can’t forget about it. It’s not because I’m mad or angry - I’m just trying to figure out how and why it happened and how not to let it happen again. I love being with you and I just don’t want us to spend “our” time being upset at one another. “Our” time is too valuable for that. I feel like we really communicate well. Even when we disagree, we can talk about it without yelling or ever saying hurtful things to each other. I know I’m t he one who needed to improve on communication, but I really feel I’ve gotten better. I hope you do too. I really have made an effort. August 6, 1993 … When I seem a little jealous or ask you about some girl you’ve talked to, it’s just because I’m scared, you’ll find someone better than me. I’m sorry for that because you give me absolutely no reason to ever think you could ever look at anyone else the s ame. I trust you or I wouldn’t be marrying you, but I just hope you’re never disappointed with me or wish you’d waited for someone else to come along. August 19, 1993 … I’m sorry for all you’ve had to put up with. It’s just hard for me to explain sometimes, but I have been trying….I never knew I could ever allow myself to feel a love this deeply. I honestly don’t think I could go on if something happened to you. I worry about that when we’re apart. You’re such a part of who I am - who I’ve become. I’m sorry for getting my feelings hurt so easily sometimes. I’ll try not to be so sensitive, but I guess that’s just part of me.

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