Brave Enough To Be Bliss

I was going to share the lists of things women wish men knew, but I’ve handled that another way in the next section. Instead, it might be helpful for women to search for “ things women wish men knew ” and then consider the differences between those lists and this one, or search for additional men’s lists also.

Things Men Wish Women Knew - What Guys Really Think (womansday.com)

Looking at the women’s lists made me glad I’m not a man. It certainly doesn’t give them a pass at trying to understand, but I think the approach I suggested to them will deliver much more accurate results than an internet search could. What if we could sim ply accept that men, in general, aren’t the complicated individuals women are and that what you see is generally what you get with them? What if we took “ should ” out of our vocabulary and just shared the real stuff about what we want and need from them? I think there’s a much better chance we would get what we want, if we just laid it out for them honestly, directly and concisely. “The real thing that keeps men and women apart, is fear. Women blame men and men blame women, but the culprit is fear, women are afraid of one thing, men are afraid of a different thing; the fears of women have to do with losing while the fears of men have to do with not being good enough for something. One is loss, the other is insecurity. Men are innately more insecure than women and women are innately more needful of companionship than men. It's good for both men and women to be able to recognize and identify these fears not only within themselves, but within each other, and then men and women will see that they really do need to help each other. It's not a game, it's not a competition, the two sexes need one another.” C. JoyBell I received an email from Bob Grant, P.L.C., Relationship Headquarters, on September 9, 2022, and these are a few excerpts from that email. I took an online course he offered a few years ago and found it helpful, so I generally scan through his emails and o ftentimes it has caused me to question things about myself I wouldn’t have otherwise. And through that self-reflection, I have learned many of the issues I thought were about men were actually about me. It wasn’t easy to realize I was creating the majority of my own issues, but it’s the only way I have been able to figure out my behavior, which is what is required for me to actually be able to change it.

Bob Grant said this: “You’ve been told seeing is believing, but that’s wrong. Believing is seeing. Whatever you believe about men is how you’ll see them, regardless of how they act. What do you think?”

“When a woman is scared, it’s easy to misread certain signals as signs he is indeed doing what you fear. In psychological language this is called Confirmation Bias.”

“A Confirmation Bias occurs when we are looking for something we believe is true. As a result, we tend to see it, even if it really isn’t there.”

“A good rule of thumb: Relationships work best when we give the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming the worst. I know there are circumstances when you have to give a consequence for what he's done, but let's wait for a pattern before we assume the wor st.” Just something to think about related to your own life and experiences. This is an opportunity for really honest self-reflection. The best news is that the only thing within my control is me, so if I am creating my misery living in fear, that means I actually have the power and control to change it. When women see the list of five deadly terms used by a woman, they generally laugh about the accuracy. But I would ask, is it really a laughing matter? Is our lack of clear, honest, and direct communication something funny when it leads to fear and resentment in relationships? And do we want to teach our children this is acceptable behavior for an adult and allow them to watch us treat their fathers disrespectfully?

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