Brave Enough To Be Bliss

I used to believe that somehow, I was an exception. All these things that I read about, like the quotes I have shared here, I thought they were applicable for everyone else of course, but not me. If only they knew how fucked up, I was, they'd understand why these things weren't true for me. I have learned I was wrong. There are widely available resources and tools to help ourselves out of our misery, we just have to search for the ones that resonate with us and then do the internal work. “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilitie s is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy – the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” Brené Brown I pray that you will begin to learn self-compassion. In the short time I have talked to you, I have heard you say multiple unkind things about yourself. “Our greatest source of suffering is the lies we tell ourselves,” as stated in the book, The Body Keeps The Score . The following description is a great way to begin to understand that people aren't good or bad. Good or bad things happen to people, and people respond in the best way they can at the time to survive. The responses may be healthy or unhealthy, but people generally do the best they can with what they know and have the capacity for at the time. Being able to look at our own behaviors with compassion helps us increase our ability to show true compassion for others. "Imagine you are walking in the woods, and you see a small dog sitting by a tree. As you approach it, it suddenly lunges at you, teeth bared. You are frightened and angry. But then you notice that one of its legs is caught in a trap. Immediately your mood shifts from anger to concern: You see that the dog's aggression is coming from a place of vulnerability and pain. This applies to all of us. When we behave in hurtful ways, it is because we are caught in some kind of trap. The more we look through the eyes of wisdom at ourselves and one another, the more we cultivate a compassionate heart." – Tara Brach I am proud of you, and I believe in you! Remember my words and whoever else is saying them to you, whenever you question if you believe in you. One day you won't need to, but for now, believe however you need to. If there is anything I can do to support or encourage you, please don't hesitate to let me know. I will be looking forward to hearing from you. Thank you for the honor of knowing a part of your life story. No matter what is in your past, today is a fresh, new day. Take it one day at a time. Like everyone, you ARE worthy of all good and healthy things!

“It’s time…close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are. ” Paulo Coelho

Being stuck in one room for that period of time provided an opportunity to reflect and process through many things. While my knee was recovering, I was recovering from the end of a relationship with John. I listened to music quite often, and the following Old Dominion song helped as I knew John had begun seeing someone in January and since I hadn’t heard from him, I knew it was serious. The more I listened to that song, the more I realized I really didn’t have any hard feelings. I had always wanted him to be happy, and while it hurt a little knowing it wasn’t with me, more than it hurt, it made me genuinely happy that he was happy.

Old Dominion - No Hard Feelings (youtube.com)

I wanted to gain some closure, for real this time, so I sent him the following email.

On Wednesday, May 18, 2022, 5:09 PM, Ginger Bliss wrote: While I hoped for years it would be me, I picture you happy loving her now. I picture you having the family you wanted in whatever way it develops. Most of all, I picture the twinkle back in your eyes. And all of that makes me smile the JV smile, but all for you this time, not because it has anything to do with me. For years, we made each other better, John. I wish we could have been lifelong friends, I really just cared about you that much as a human being that I would have let the other kind of love go and just loved you platonically. You meant that much to me as a person that I would rather have you in my life as merely a friend than not have you in my life at all. I understand we are all different people, with different experiences we bring into relationships, so I accept your decision to end contact with me. No hard feelings. It did help me so much to still write to you through the last two years and I hope you perhaps learned some tidbits along the way also. You were my person for five years. For a long time, I simply couldn’t find my way without you, but I have now. I am who I needed all along and that is what will allow me to be a good partner for someone in the future. I can allow someone to care for me, to love me, to compliment me, to hug me, to open doors for me, carry my bags, and buy me croissants and bring them to me in bed. I can now receive, not only give. I can support and encourage, and at the same time I can have boundaries and limits. I wanted to leave you with one last song and my sincere best wishes for a lifetime of happiness. If you have a lifetime of happiness with her, it will be because you MADE it that way. The lyrics are pasted at the end of this email also. You can do it this time, no more self-sabotage, just a decision, a choice each and every day.

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