Brave Enough To Be Bliss

he is on the inside, rather than the version he wants everyone to see in order to protect himself from pain. I don’t remember how long the text conversation went on, but it was extended. I didn’t mind as I had nothing else to do and sleeping was very difficult because I was so uncomfortable, so it was a nice distraction. He told me he felt like an actor in his own life, and the next day he had a little vulnerability hangover, so I assured him I enjoyed talking with the real guy much more than the fake guy. He called that night and acknowledged he was an alcoholic, regretted he wasn’t good to his former wife or their kids, etc. A day or two later, he called and told me he was going to check himself into rehab. I was so happy for him and wanted to offer encouragement, so since I couldn’t sleep anyway , I wrote this.

“Walk gently in the lives of others. Not all wounds are visible.” Unknown

To: Brett From: Ginger Bliss Date: Fri, May 6, 2022 at 3:29 AM

I cannot tell you how happy I am that you made the decision to tackle your addiction. The decision was brave. The call to your boss was brave. Telling anyone you have about your decision, including me, has been brave. Walking into the facility tomorrow will be brave. You ARE brave. Even if it doesn't feel like it to you yet, you are. You have proven you can do hard things, which is important because there will be more hard things to do. "Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t look pretty. It isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. It’s in the small steps you take every day. It’s hard. Sometimes it’s painful. It requires patience and consistency. Keep showing up and doing the work and yo ur life will change." Mel Robbins You will need to make the decision every day for the rest of your life, finding the courage to boldly confront whatever leads you to want a drink. Whatever feelings you want to run from by drowning them with alcohol, you will need to talk about and allow yourself to fully feel. Unbearable pain isn’t unbearable once it is shared. Unbearable shame isn’t unbearable once it is shared. There may be times you want to quit, give up, walk out. There may be times when you don't want to think or feel anything. Daily you will be presented with opportunities to be completely honest or continue to act. But acting is what got you here, digging deep into your heart and soul no matter how hard it is, no matter how scared you are, and no matter how painful it may be, that is what will get you out. I heard this at a conference last year, "My dad gave me a lesson on leading self. He pulled me aside, 'I need you to be the buffalo, not the cow. When a storm comes, the cow turns away from the storm and prolongs the suffering. But the buffalo turns to the storm and goes into the storm. His time in the storm is shorter and because he has done what is hard, he is made better. Lead yourself through the storm.'" Be the buffalo, Brett. I don't know how long you've been the actor instead of your true self, but don't prolong your suffering any longer. Be who God intended you to be, not an actor. I told you already, but I will tell you again, when you shared your truth with me, I immediately liked you more because you were simply being real and that made you trustworthy. I wore a mask for 50+ years trying to be perfect because I didn't think anyone could ever love me if they really knew me. What I have learned is that once I embraced my imperfection as a human being and was brave enough to simply be myself, I have never felt more loved and accepted. Understanding the behaviors you have developed to protect yourself (like the acting cocky we discussed on the phone) will be important so you can start to identify them, not to criticize yourself but to be aware of your behavior and adjust accordingly with new behaviors you will learn over time that more accurately reflect the real Brett. Once you can see your own light, you will no longer need to diminish anyone else's with self-sabotaging behaviors. As humans we shy away from pain but leaning into pain is what can set us free. And verbalizing whatever has hurt you, whatever shame you have for your actions because of that, those are the things that you need to share so you can be free. Until our pain is verbalized, it stays trapped in our minds and our bodies and affects our behaviors. We can never bury anything deeply enough with alcohol or any other substance or action. The pain remains until we tell someone, but once we do it is a weight that is lifted and eventually that will simply become a part of our story that perhaps one day can be used to help someone else who is struggling. They will help you through the physical process of detox, but only you can truly make it worthwhile by being completely forthcoming with the mental and emotional aspects of what leads you to the addictive behaviors. You have control over that, please choose wisely and be able to make the rest of your life the best of your life. “The difference between where you are and where you could be is the amount of pain you are willing to endure.” Craig Groesche l

“Beneath every behavior there is a feeling. And beneath each feeling is a need. And when we meet that need rather than focus on the behavior, we begin to deal with the cause not the symptom.” Ashleigh Warner

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