Brave Enough To Be Bliss

From: Ginger Bliss To: Ginger Rothhaas Wed, Aug 5, 2020 at 2:51 AM

I did this for myself tonight and it did help...sat outside, had a drink, relaxed, talked to friends on the phone and by text, did some things for Kylee’s bridal shower, and just did what felt good to me.

“The strongest hearts have the most scars.” Jeff Hood

From: Ginger Bliss To: Ginger Rothhaas Thu, Aug 13, 2020 at 8:23 PM Just FYI for when I see you next. Made it through the week although I am going to work tomorrow on Friday even though I don’t have to . Feel like I’m reverting, and I keep trying to stop it, but it’s just getting worse. I barely cried at work, but when coming home all I want to do is cry and sleep or cry and binge. I had dinner with a friend tonight, and another is coming over tomorrow afternoon, so I’m trying not to mope around, but I’m not feeling like I’m doing well.

The wedding had been good timing for me to watch Kylee and Will experience such joy. And to see everyone who came to celebrate with them, knowing that their lives would be surrounded by all these loving, giving and caring people. I needed that, and I needed what I would receive the following month. It was a rare occasion when John gave me actual written words, and I assume these were in response to something I had written to him implying he hated me or was pissed at me. The reason I could keep writing to him is that he allowed me to be wherever I was and express it to him, but there were times when it was hard not hearing from him too. I did appreciate and understand each word, but more than anything, I was relieved he was doing alright. On October 28, 2020, at 3:33 PM, John wrote: I apologize for lack of contact and wish you no pain. You have always been good to me. There’s zero hate and have never been pissed at you. Everything in my life is light right now. Working, coaching football, and hanging out with family. It’s working. Piecing a lot together. Yes, it’s selfish but need it that way right now. I pray you will understand where I’m coming from. Deep down you know the best has and always will be what I want for you.

“If you are healing and breaking all at once, do not fear, this is growth.” Q. Gibson

From: Ginger Bliss To: John Subject: All Saints Day & An Epiphany Saturday, October 31, 2020, 04:24:39 PM CDT

I saw that tomorrow is All Saints Day and thought of your mom when I read what it was about. It was clear at her funeral that her faith was important to her, and I got the sense as you talked about her final morning in the hospital that she was at peace with going to God.

I remember hearing these things about her because I've wished I felt that peace. I may have briefly in my early 20s, but probably not since or at least not often. Yesterday in the car I was listening to a chapter for my book group that now meets by Facetime on Saturdays...this is a quote from the chapter I was listening to. The basis of the chapter was when Jesus washes his disciples' feet and how sometimes we humans only want God to see us at our best. The author, Jo Saxton, says, "I should be better at this by

now so don't come closer. Let me do this. Let me fix this. Stay away from my dirt, my sweat, my dust, my filth, my wounds, my weakness. Stay away. You're not welcome here. I can't cope with you here when I'm like this. Not when this is me. ” ( Ready To Rise by Jo Saxton)

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

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