Brave Enough To Be Bliss

I had kept an email that someone sent me for months and a couple weeks ago I watched a few of the videos. They were good and I enjoyed them but hadn't thought a lot more about it since then. Today I received a video from that website and randomly clicked on this one not recognizing the name or anything and watched.

Please watch this in its entirety before you continue reading. The rest won't make as much sense without that. Clint Gresham - I Am Second - White Chair Film on Vimeo

Epiphany...

I have so wanted you to let me love you. I have begged you to let me into your darkness to prove to you that I can handle it and still love you just as much. I have wanted you to tell me all your fears, heartaches, sorrows, as well as everything else. I have not accepted anyone's love afraid I would lose it. I have not let anyone really know me fearing they wouldn't possibly be able to love me if they knew all of me. I wasn’t willing to let you into my darkness, tell you all my fears, heartaches, sorrows, as well as everything else. In short... I wanted from you things that I wasn't willing to accept or give. Actions can speak louder than words. I think I better understand now your question, "Do you think you're more emotionally available than me?" Jesus loved me enough to die for me, so I really can't get any more secure love than that. If I start letting that in, maybe I can better let humans love me because even if their love ends, His will not so I will always have that to count on. He already knows everything about me, so all I have to do is stop pushing Him away. If I know I don't have to try and hide the fact I ’ m not perfect from Him, perhaps I can stop beating myself up for every imperfection and just accept myself as I am which would then allow others see me fully and not give them the idea, I want them to be perfect either. I would never expect nor want anyone to feel they had to have a pedicure or wear their best shoes, so I have to stop thinking that's what others need or want from me. I realize that having a relationship with God doesn't mean life won't be painful and hard and sad sometimes, it just means I will never be alone in the mess. I am better with Him than without Him. And hopefully every relationship I have on this earth can be better also if I am second. He is not to blame for the messes, people are or it's just one of the unfortunate parts of life or it's random chance that leaves us all feeling out of control, so we want to place blame on someone or something. The good thing is, though, He willingly helps us clean it up, if only we allow it. I used to be able to pray all the things I thought I was supposed to pray about, but not about me. I tried to hide that.

You said a few times that you didn't know how your mom did what she did all those years. Maybe her faith was it. She was never alone in the mess.

“It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” Edmund Hillary

From: Ginger Bliss To: Ginger Rothhaas Sun, Nov 1, 2020 at 1:01 PM A couple things happened to really bring everything together for me...back up the mountain we go.

“And if sorrow clouds your soul, don't fight it; allow the tears to flow. We are not meant to be invincible, we bruise easily, and the heart is soft; prone to bleed at the slightest touch. It is in those moments of sadness that we must be brave enough to allow Christ in, to let him be present in our pain; our sorrow is seen by Christ. One day He will wipe away every tear, He will hold us tight, but for now we must pray through the pain. Just know that Christ shares our pain, He understands the sorrow that is within you, for He was a man of many sorrows. He wept alone, He was tormented and forsaken. Believe me, a man who has been forsaken such as Christ will never forsake you. Jesus is the only person who knows all that you have been through, He is the only one who knows the deepest, darkest spots of your soul, and still---He remains. Jesus has the scars to prove that He is trustworthy, He has the only heart that bled for you; and He will never stop loving you. ” T.B. LaBerge “He cried. He knew Lazarus was dead before he got the news but still, he cried. He knew Lazarus would be alive again in moments but still, he cried. He knew death here is not forever. He knew eternity and the kingdom better than anyone else could, yet he wept. Because this world is full of pain and regret and loss and depression and devastation. He wept because knowing the end of the story doesn’t mean you can’t cry at the sad parts.” Unknown

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