Brave Enough To Be Bliss

It was a beautiful day for a drive. I had followed the map app’s directions, but it was taking me a very strange way down a dirt road. I had been sure it would be a highway the whole way there, but the sun was shining, I had the music turned up loud, I was singing along and figured eventually I would get there, and, in the meantime, I would just enjoy the scenery. And then the song in the link below began to play…”That Arizona sky…” And I couldn’t help but think of and feel the loss of John as he often traveled to Arizona also. And bittersweet tears began to stream down my face. Joy for all that had been and heartbreak for all that was lost. But I knew I had all the memories, and I would choose to always remember us this way…

Lady Gaga - Always Remember Us This Way ( Lyrics Video ) (youtube.com)

“ Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. ” Golda Meir

It felt like traveling the back way was perfect, as it gave me time to slow down, feel the feelings, and then move on to the excitement of seeing what was so special about Sedona. And not long after I got back on a highway and came over a big hill, I saw this and had to pull over to capture the photo. Of course, no photo can quite do it justice, but I understood why people love to go there. The colors were breathtaking.

I drove to the shopping area, parked, and walked around for a while stopping in a shop to pick up something for

Kylee. I thought I should get something to eat, but I didn’t know what sounded good and I didn’t feel like eating. It was nice to experience something new, but it felt like something that would be more enjoyable shared with someone, so melancholy came over me and I decided to drive around a bit more and see if I felt more like eating somewhere after that. Nothing jumped out at me as a place I had to try, so I decided to make the trip back to Scottsdale and check into the condo I had rented. It was a place the three of us had come to before, so I opted for the familiar location so I felt safer in my nighttime surroundings. September 3 was the earliest I had been to Arizona, and it was hotter than October I quickly realized. Instead of enjoying time by the pool, I more enjoyed time in the pool. It was very nice, though, as long as I had some water on me or was in the shade. I also made sure I spent the time outside in the morning and very early afternoon, then headed in for a shower and to whatever else I was going to do that day.

One afternoon I got a massage, another I went to a movie theatre by myself for the first time. My challenge for this trip was having a nice dinner by myself. I had wanted to go to a place John had told me about that Kylee and I always went to, but it turned out when I got there and went to make the reservation, I just couldn’t do it. There were nice restaurants that would fit for the challenge around another shopping area, where I usually could find a good pair of shoes on clearance, so I headed there. I remember taking this pho to to send to Kylee and being disappointed in myself, but I couldn’t force myself to go through with the challenge. I didn’t like forcing myself to do things I really didn’t want to do anymore. So, in the end, after the disappointment, I realized the failed challenge was actually an opportunity to see how much I had grown by not forcing

myself to go through with something that didn’t feel right to me at the time.

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