Brave Enough To Be Bliss

On December 15, we left for the Cayman Islands and didn’t return until December 23. It turned out to be just what we both needed. Relaxation, sun, fun, sand, laughter, bravery, and sleep, or at least better rest. There were four bucket list items I had hoped to check off my list and I ended up getting three of the four accomplished: parasailing, horseback riding on the beach and learning to dance (very introductory salsa, but it counted).

We had spread the items out, so I had time to dig deep and find more courage in between each one. Kylee seemed genuinely proud of me, knowing how much I had feared heights/flying and doing much of anything in public, and the horseback riding was just an amazing experience. We celebrated with a bottle of champagne after parasailing and it was a moment I’ll never forget. I was terrified while we kept going higher and higher; a part of me wanted to scream and beg them to pull us back into the safety of the boat as quickly as possible, but then there was an equally loud part of me that was invigorated from doing something that previously seemed so impossible. So, despite the fear, despite the lack of control without anything solid beneath my feet, I chose to fully enjoy and soak in the time we spent gazing at the island with the spectacular view that even a plane couldn’t provide. We saw it all, with nothing obstructing our view, and it was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. But the most beautiful was the one who was up there experiencing it all right by my side. And there’s nothing that will ever compare to that beauty in my eyes.

This whole bravery business was really growing on me. And when we toasted the accomplishment with both our feet planted firmly back on the ground, it looked like I saw life coming back into my daughter’s eyes, and with that perhaps even some breath into my lungs.

Martina McBride - In My Daughter's Eyes lyrics (youtube.com)

At 12:53 a.m. on Christmas Day, Kylee sent me the following poem in a text. I was setting out Santa gifts, filling her stocking (yes, I will do these things all my life because it brings me joy to do them), and doing laundry, so unfortunately, I didn’t see the text right away. As I slowly read through every word, fully understanding the significance of each, a flood of tears, filled with relief and joy, began flowing from my eyes. This was the moment I began to believe she would not only survive but would begin to live again.

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