Brave Enough To Be Bliss

Chapter 2 — Meeting Ginger

“Sometimes miracles are just good people with kind hearts.” Unknown

When I referred to Ginger in the first chapter, I was not actually referring to myself in third person, but rather to my self-compassion coach who, ironically, is also named Ginger. For the rest of this book, you can know when I use the name Ginger, I’m re ferring to her unless otherwise noted. I wanted to clear that up right away, because it created confusion at first when I would refer to her with a family member or friend. And knowing the use of third person can be viewed as an exaggerated positive view of oneself, that would not give an accurate impression of how I felt. In fact, Ginger told me I had been among the top five self-haters she worked with; not an enviable position to be in at that, but then later she broke the news that I had been the biggest self-hater. The comment from the first chapter, “I see where you’re going with this, Ginger, and I’m not really sure I like it,” was the kind of thing I would often think but then eventually would say to her. She’s smart, she’s intuitive. She knew when to gently push me to go deeper with hard questions. I don’t know if I ever learned to like it, but I grew to appreciate it and eventually asked myself my own hard questions. I used to think I was uniquely flawed. I didn’t think anyone else struggled like me. I thought I was alone, and no one would be able to understand the depths of my unworthiness. I thought I was, simply put, unfixable. Meeting Ginger for the first time gave me a sliver of hope. I have gone to the same church for almost 20 years. It ’ s a church that records attendance, but not in a punitive way. They send notes to those who are visiting from out of town, they deliver coffee mugs to local first-time visitors, they check on you with an email if you have regularly attended and suddenly stop. They truly are

following up to see if there is any support you need, because they truly do care. This is an example of a transcribed voicemail message that came the week of Thanksgiving 2021, and I have received similar messages in subsequent years. I cannot say I attended regularly; it was more in spurts. I would attend regularly and then something would happen and I would get out of the routine, or something particularly bad would happen and I wouldn’t feel spiritually connected so I would just avoid it. Through the years, I had gotten used to the tone of the emails from various volunteers. I would always reply to be kind, since they took the time to send the message. I would let them know I didn’t need anything, and I would be coming back when I cou ld. Sometimes I felt so guilty I would go the next weekend, and it always turned out I was glad that I had. During a particularly tough time of my life, I received the following email from one of the pastors. I recognized her name but couldn’t remember ever having met her. The tone seemed different, more personal, not like the

volunteer emails I had received. How strange, I thought.

From: Pastor Anne To: Ginger Bliss Subject: Re: Checking in! Sent: Thursday, August 2, 2018, 1:26:47 PM CDT

Hello! I hope you’re doing great this afternoon. I’m spending some time at a coffee shop in the Crossroads and your name came to mind. I am saying a prayer of gratitude for you today. I’ll pray you’re doing well, having a week with many reminders of God’ s love for you and that you feel encouraged in your endeavors. If we can support you, please don’t hesitate to reach out! See you soon!

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