Brave Enough To Be Bliss

My husband worked as a certified athletic trainer when I met him and certainly, I had been around athletics and healthcare, but after Kylee’s concussions we both couldn’t understand why she was still experiencing symptoms. When they went on so long, we briefly wondered if some of the symptoms were really a result of the divorce, but when she didn’t fight us or the doctors on the fact she couldn’t participate in sports anymore, we knew it had nothing to do with the divorce and everything to do with her PCS. That was something I would feel very guilty about, but that’s the tough thing about concussions, there wasn’t any visible way to assess the damage that had been done and all we could count on was self-reported symptoms and parental observation. If you’re wondering how she convinced all of us that she was OK after the first concussion, let me just say, the girl is too smart for her own good sometimes. Because she was so used to communicating with adults, had been around healthcare, and was an only child who heard a lot of conversations between adults, I think all of that helped her develop emotional intelligence that was well beyond her years. While memorization became difficult for her after the concussions, she had daily symptom checks and over the six-week period being asked the same questions, she did begin to recognize them and knew the answers that would get her cleared. She lied about her symptoms and appeared to be feeling OK at home when one of us was right there with her and much of the time she was resting, saying she was working on homework, etc. The fact her concussion happened right before Thanksgiving and then with her finals delayed until the second semester, we didn’t know she failed them all until mid-January. At that point, she was saying she had no more symptoms, so we figured she’d start doing better after that. She had 296 absences, which equates to 70 days of missed school between November 2011 and May 2012, and her schedule had been reduced to part-time by March. We did make sure she saw a therapist, but remember how I mentioned above that she was emotionally intelligent and comfortable with adults? She went through quite a few trained therapists because she convinced them she was just fine when she absolutely was not. I would even try to warn them about this, but it took about four of them before one stuck. Suffice it to say, he had an actual “That’s Bullshit Button.” I’ve included the link below in case you’ve never seen one. Amazon.com: Talkie Toys Products That’s Bullshit Button - Lights Up and Plays 8 Hilarious BS Sayings - Funny Talking Button for Calling Out Liars, Political BS and Office Humor - Great Gag Gift & Stocking Stuffer : Toys & Games The therapist would press the button when he could tell she wasn’t being honest about something. I thought it was ingenious, a light way to say, I know you’re lying or withholding, so don’t think you’re fooling me. She hated it at first, but over time, she grew to trust him and became more honest. I think having someone who could see what she hid made her actually respect him. I asked Kylee if I could share this story in the book simply because I think it’s a good example of knowing something as a parent and not always trusting an expert if you know in your heart something isn’t right. No one should know your child better than you, so if you have concerns, listen to them, and keep looking for the right fit. It’s much safer to listen to your parental gut feelings and keep trying to find an expert who can help rather than simply go along with something that doesn’t feel like the ri ght answer. Kylee was depressed because her entire life and everything she had ever known and counted on had been upended. If we had been scared by her depression and just listened to the therapists who were convinced she was OK because it made us feel secure and an expert said it, there could have been a much different outcome. I listened to my scared brain about a lot of things, but not Kylee. My heart took over when it came to her, and my heart was brave and bold. Kylee and her paternal grandmother have always had a very special bond, and I have always wanted to do whatever I could to make sure that continues. After the divorce, I didn’t have contact with her since I assumed she didn’t want to have any contact with me. However, after Kylee’s concussion, knowing that sometimes men don’t communicate the specifics that women like to know for comfort (especially moms and grandmas), I began emailing her with significant updates regarding Kylee’s health and related issues. In the first email, I explained that just in case she wasn’t getting all the details, I thought I’d pass them along. I said she didn’t have to

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