Brave Enough To Be Bliss

My personality also changed after the injuries. When I was in school, I heard every annoying thing that my classmates would do and I wanted to yell at them, and sometimes I did. The lights in the classrooms hurt my head even more and the chaos in the halls in between classes was completely overwhelming. I wanted so badly to at least support my teammates, but after going to sit behind the bench later in the season when I thought maybe I could handle it, but the stimulation, noise and pain shut my body down and I ended up in the emergency room. Even months later, going into a store or anywhere there was going to be a lot of movement or noise created anxiety for me. I couldn’t do things with my friends because I didn’t feel well enough, and after a while they g ot tired of me not being able to, so they stopped asking. I felt isolated, alone, depressed and in pain. One of the most difficult things about having a brain injury for me was the lack of understanding from my peers. Because they couldn’t see the actual injury and it wasn’t something they were familiar with, oftentimes it was either overlooked or they only s aw what they would consider the “benefits” of having an IEP, like being exempted or not having to complete the entire assignment. They saw these things as benefits when in reality it took me about three times as long to do less than what they were doing. No one understood that I would have given anything to do the same things they were academically (and what I had always been able to do before the injuries) and to be able to play sports again. Contrary to the belief of my peers, there is nothing easy about having PCS. Fortunately, things started to take a turn for the better in the summer of 2013 while I was at vestibular therapy. My therapist was talking to me about the trail running she liked to do and at that moment, I decided I was going to create a foundation and host a trail run as my fundraiser. I chose a trail race for my event because it is a challenge beyond that of a paved surface. My hope was that with every tree, root, or rock that participants had to step over or around they would understand the challenges I have faced everyday with tasks I used to complete with ease. Creating the foundation gave me the opportunity to help other athletes learn not to make the same mistakes I did. I wanted them to know that when the doctor says you need complete brain rest, that means absolutely no TV, no texting, no email, etc. I wanted them to know that you have to be honest about your symptoms and not go back to practice until your symptoms are truly and completely gone. I wanted them to know that as much as we love sports, there is no sport that is worth sacrificing your brain function and future. I wanted to help doctors who are trying to figure out why some people like me end up with post-concussion syndrome and why others can have even more concussions and aren’t affecte d. Most of all, I wanted to do everything I could to keep other athletes from going through what I have. I began my senior year in August of 2013 taking a full day of classes for the first time since the brain injuries and also had to enroll in an additional online class both semesters to be able to have enough credits to graduate with my class. Basically, my life revolved around going to school, coming home, and doing homework or working with a tutor, eating dinner, doing more homework before my headache makes it impossible and then trying to get some sleep which is another thing that has been a challenge since the injuries. As difficult as it was to accept, I would never play basketball again, I have learned not to take the things you love for granted and it gave me the opportunity to turn my negative situation into a positive for others. I never would have believed it would be possible, but I think I am as passionate today about sharing my story to help protect other athletes as I was about participating myself. Kylee’s experience was before high school academic concussion protocols were developed, before there was all of the NFL media coverage, and before there was increased general awareness of the danger of concussions. My feelings as a mom going through this experience with her could fill another book, but I will simply say her description doesn’t even give a glimpse of how difficult this would have been for anyone, not to mention a 15 year- old. She’s certainly not the only child to miss out on high school activities, but it wasn’t just basketball, it was friendships, dating, proms, movies, and pretty much any social activity. She did have one friend, Danielle, who stuck by her through it all. They went on to be roommates, sorority sisters, roommates in an apartment in Kansas City after college, Kylee’s maid of honor at her wedding, and I think they’ll always be close. Without her patience, understanding, ability to just sit quietly with her and hang out, I’m certain the depression would have been even worse than it was.

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