Brave Enough To Be Bliss

mentioned the employer, so because of that, this person knew how to contact us. I was certain the decisionmaker would want to fire the employee, but I knew the employee well enough to know this was out of character and the employee had absolutely no employment-related issues at all. The employee worked with diverse colleagues and customers without issue and often with compliments. So, I just couldn’t believe this represented the employee’s heart . I pleaded with the decisionmaker and finally convinced that leader not to terminate the employee. I had a very strong feeling the employee had some trauma that led the employee to behave in a way that was so incongruent with the employee’s heart and personal values . I couldn’t guarantee I was right, but if I was and the action to terminate was taken, the employer would have lost an excellent employee and the employee and the employee ’ s family could have been negatively affected. It had the potential to create even more shame within the employee and could have changed the course of the employee ’ s life. I felt strongly the employee had a proven character and performance to the organization, and as a result we needed to give the benefit of the doubt that there was more to the story than we knew. I believed we could trust it was never anything that would affect the employee ’ s work and by showing compassion, the employee would self-reflect on the behavior and never again do something that violated personal or organizational values. We required the employee to immediately remove any affiliation with the organization on personal social media accounts and made it clear that if there was even a hint of any inappropriate behavior in any way, the employee would be immediately terminated. The employee owned the behavior, acknowledged it was wrong, showed remorse, was appreciative of compassion, and accepted the terms we laid out. The employee again individually apologized to each of the leaders involved the following day. A couple years later, the employee told us of an unsolicited employment offer which would have allowed the employee to work closer to home for more money, but because of the way we had responded with compassion in that previous incident, the employee declined the offer and remained loyal to our organization. As I have reconnected with many past employees over the course of the past few years, I had the opportunity to talk with this employee and ask ed, “Would you be willing to share more about what happened that led you to forwarding that photo? ” The employee said, “Yes. It always surprised me no one ever asked me before.” That, of course, led me to wonder why we hadn’t asked. Was it that we told ourselves it wasn’t any of our business or were we really afraid of what the answer was going to be? The decisionmaker asked employees personal questions quite often which made me uncomfortable from a legal standpoint, so I was inclined to believe none of us asked because of fear. The decisionmaker might want to say it wasn’t fear, or that the employee ’ s explanation didn’t matter because the behavior was wrong. And that is where our leadership and life philosophies differed greatly. One is pure judgment; the other is acknowledgment of human frailty with the knowledge that unhealed pain can lead humans to do unspeakable things to other humans. One refuses to acknowledge one’s own imperfection and leads through power; the other openly acknowledges one’s own imperfection and leads through compassion. One inspires employees through fear; one inspires growth through understanding. There is no doubt, unhealed personal wounds carry over into leadership and employment, and that can lead to dangerous consequences for the organization and the individual. In this situation, the ultimate decision protected the organization and yet provided an opportunity for both personal and professional growth for the employee. The details are the employee’s story, so I won’t share those , but after the employee told me everything, I was so glad I had fought against the termination. While the employee ’ s behavior may not have deserved that effort, the human being behind the behavior did. And that is what I choose to see, the hurting humans who pass by us each and every day. There is always a reason behind the behavior. W e don’t always get to know what it is, as

358