Brave Enough To Be Bliss

Chapter 3 — Fabulous Friend & Family Chapter Dedication: Pamela Kay Rafferty, December 31, 1960 - July 16, 2022

I’ve often wondered why we divulge so much information to our hair stylists. It’s been an ongoing “joke” for years. I read a quote, “everything feels better after a haircut!” and I have to agree, but often it has nothing to do with my hair. It seems strange, looking back, that I was often more vulnerable with her than I was with my spouse, family, or friends. It could have been that she’s just that special I felt comfortable, but I think there must be something else since I’m not the only one who has felt that w ay. Perhaps it is because when we sit in that chair and they have scissors in their hands, we become very vulnerable. She has the power to make my hair look great or awful and I willingly give that to her each and every time. So perhaps while I’m at it, I give her a little more of myself than just my hair to work with. The trust I have to have in her to let her take scissors to my hair is like the trust I have to have to tell someone the truth about myself. Not every hairstylist earns this trust or deserves to hear our stories, but I can assure you this dear friend has earned not only my trust, but my deepest respect for her ability to listen, ask insanely introspective questions and share wonderful perspective.

To give you a sense of what an amazing daughter and person she is, the following are several of her Facebook posts.

July 16, 2022 My dear sweet mama went to Heaven today. She was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to her bones, back in late February, and recently it had spread to her liver, and she also had a mass at the base of her skull. She had many doctors appts, 2 types of chemo, radiation, and all backed with a huge positive attitude. She didn’t want to know how long she had, so that was honored, and we knew it was treatable but not curable. The last couple of weeks have been a blur & seemed to happen so quickly, but our family came together & were right beside Mom every step of the way until her final breath. She was never left alone once while she

was in Hospice & that warms my heart. ❤️

Right now, I can’t seem to collect my thoughts, and I sincerely apologize if you didn’t know & are just finding out. We have tried our best to let everyone know, all while taking the best care of Mom. Thank you for being my Mom. For being my first friend. For teaching me how to cook and how to check the oil in my car. For always playing music on the weekends while we cleaned house. Those are some of my most favorite memories! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ I will always think of you when I smell Patchouli, when I see beautiful flowers, when I watch The Wizard of Oz, when I taste curry and when I hear Pat Benatar.

May 14, 2023 Happy Mother’s Day to my sweet Mom, and her first Mother’s Day in Heaven.

My Mom was just 16 years old when she found out that she was pregnant with me. She had me at 17 years old, got pregnant with my brother at 17 and had him when she was 18. My brother & I are Irish twins ‍♂️ and we stay the same age for 2 weeks every year. Dripping wet she was 100 lbs but tougher than any woman I know! She paid cash for everything, down to the penny. I watched her bang a hammer on her alternator to get her car running. She wrestled me to the ground once, only wearing her robe after a shower, when I mouthed off to her. I never did that again. She could ‍ fix anything around the house, a leaky faucet, frozen pipes, the washing machine, garbage disposal…and this was before YouTube. She was strong and independent and often juggled 2 jobs while raising 2 kids and mostly as a single mom. I feel guilty because as a kid I was sometimes embarrassed by all of this. As an adult, and now a working mother myself, she deserved a medal. ️ My Mom had a zest for life!! She was a happy person with a bubbly personality, a hard worker, always laughing, funnier than shit, and had a gift for singing her sentences. She had the best fingernails she would use for a good bedtime back scratch. We watched Melrose Place together every week when I was in Highschool, and sometimes, when I was little, she let me stay up & watch Knots Landing & Dynasty.

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