Brave Enough To Be Bliss

myself to be influenced in ways that I didn’t like . Now I had the chance to determine how I really felt instead of taking on their values or preferences or speaking in ways that made them comfortable. It was so much easier talking, behaving, thinking, believing in what my heart and soul told me instead of doing all those things to try to please other people. And perhaps I grieved them along the way, as our differences became more apparent and we drifted apart instead of it being a sudden ending. I have no doubt they felt the same way about me, as well. It’s not that I became better, I was just different and there wasn’t a good fit anymore. But I am so very grateful for the friendships we did share while they lasted. “Not setting boundaries to avoid upsetting people doesn’t make you a good or loving person. It makes you someone who feels hurt and drained and running on empty. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice what you need in order to demonstrate your care for someone. The right people won’t want you to ignore your self -care for the sake of making them more comfortable. The right people will want you to take care of yourself. They may not always understand your boundaries, but they will respect them. If you set a boundary and it makes someone uncomfortable or angry, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have set the boundary. It doesn’t mean your needs are wrong or that you should retract and say yes. At the end of the day, your self- care is more important than other people’s comfort. Their comfort and self- care are important too, and it’s not wrong to want to make shifts to accommodate both, but if you have to ignore what you need in order to maintain the connection, it’s not the right person.” Daniell Koe

I was looking through old photos and ran across this one a few years ago. I sent it to my friend Tami along with this message:

Hello my dear friend. I saw this and it made me sad and happy, but most of all grateful.

Sad because I see the unhappiness and loneliness in my eyes even though your beautiful smile and warm embrace show you are clearly welcoming me into your world and heart. And mostly, I am grateful to have reconnected with you to now be able to lean into your embrace and share your smile. Thank you for loving me and for being a lifelong friend even with a 20-year gap. I value and admire you so much and love you even more!

The photo had been taken when I returned to Stockton, Kan., for my sister’s high school graduation and my former

classmates eighth grade graduation. I moved in sixth grade and without email, texts, or social media, it was very difficult back in those days to stay in touch. I’m sure we exchanged a few letters and even got together a couple times in college, but communication was just hard then. We reconnected because of Facebook about 10 years ago, so as much negativity as there can be around social media, I have found it to be a great tool for reaching out to friends from the past as well as staying updated on extended family activities. I find it much easier to reconnect at family functions because I can remember more about what they and/or their kids have been doing, etc. Anyway, like most things, there can be good and bad, it’s all about how one uses it . But in moderation, I have found it great to be able to connect and reconnect with people I otherwise wouldn’t have. In addition to Tami being my friend, her dad was my dentist. I think he was everyone’s dentist as in that small town. I’m pretty sure he was the only dentist . You’ll read more about him in an upcoming chapter , but theirs was a house I remember going to with very fond memories. I don’t recall much from my childhood, so the fact I remember the feeling of being there says a lot. I have noticed I use the same words a lot as I write to describe something that makes me feel good…warm and safe seem to be used frequently. And their house was warm

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