Brave Enough To Be Bliss

Chapter 3 — Letting Go, Reaching Out

“Remember, as you grow, you may need to let go of old habits, beliefs, careers, mindsets, and even certain people. Embracing grief during this process is crucial. You’ll say goodbye to your former self to welcome a newer version of you.” @subconsciousthinker I remember after I had started to make some progress with Ginger, she mentioned that it’s not uncommon for some friendships to change when a person learns and grows and develops into a healthier human being. She cautioned me that not everyone will like the changes you make. Not everyone will like the boundaries you create. Sometimes friendships just aren’t going to work anymore , so she wanted me to be aware of that. I remember listening and taking it to heart, but not really thinking it would happen to me. But it did. No longer was I content to have surface level conversations when they led in a direction where I had more to say in order to be true to myself. Instead of shutting down, I began to stand up for myself in ways that were new and very different than anyone was used to after 50 years of staying quiet and keeping the peace at all costs. It had been at the cost of my self-respect, self-worth, and trust in myself. That is not to say that I managed the changes perfectly, of course, because while I was willing to try to speak now, there were times it was awkward because I was learning. It wasn’t arguing or harsh words at all, it was just a subtle change in my willingness to state how I felt about things without apologizing for having an opinion or a history or thoughts. I was learning what I enjoyed doing and what I didn’t. I was learning to give to the level I received instead of always feeling the need to give more. I was learning to take care of myself instead of always being concerned about taking care of the other person. I began to realize that because I was the one who always checked in on everyone else to see if they were OK, and because I never shared how I was really doing so the assumption was that I was always OK, when I stopped doing that regularly, people were annoyed at me. It wasn’t their fault, I had behaved as I did for 50 years, so they knew what to expect from me, but I was changing and that made them uncomfortable. And several of them didn’t like it. And sometimes I didn’t like it. There were times it would have been much easier to fall back in line and be the way I had always been just to make other people happy. But my happiness mattered now too, so when it came down to it, I wasn’t willing to. And eventually some people didn’t like the new me and didn’t want to be my friend anymore. So, I let them go. I still loved them. But I was content not to have them in my life anymore. It was like shedding a piece of my skin that simply didn’t fit anymore. And I hadn’t ever felt comfortable in that skin anyway, so for me, there wasn’t a lot of grief in this process. I wished them well. I focused on the beautiful memories we had made. But I let them go. “We are often intimidated by people whose very being reminds us of our insecurities.” Simon Sinek

“Some people will choose to remember and recognize only the version of you that they had the most control and power over, no matter how long it’s been or how much you’ve changed.” Caroline Leaf

With the distance, I remember being surprised that I really didn’t miss them like I thought I would. Over time, I had felt their discomfort with who I was becoming, so it was so much less pressure having them in my life. I was liking who I was becoming. So even if they preferred me the other way , I didn’t . And I realized I had allowed them to influence me in some ways that I didn’t like. It wasn’t their fault, it was mine, as I had always gone along with whatever anyone else wanted to do. I realized some of those things I didn’t really enjoy or believe were right for me, so it felt good not lying about them anymore. And there were differences in some values that had made me uncomfortable and as I looked back, I could see that I had allowed

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