Brave Enough To Be Bliss

I was coming from a place of pain. At the time, I so badly wanted an explanation that it wasn’t my fault, my responsibility, that I manufactured one to ease my pain. I blamed you. The feelings at the time were what I felt as I created an explanation coming only from a place of feeling, without thinking . Most of my life I had been able to avoid hurtful words because I didn’t allow myself to fully feel much of anything. I remained in control of virtually everything. I carefully thought before I spoke, so I di dn’t say hurtful words. I have since learned that fully feeling is actually fully living, so saying and hearing hurtful words can just be a part of life for us imperfect humans. Having now gone through the experience of saying words I regret; I better understand that level of honest release of feelings can be a level of trust in a way. An example of, we tend to hurt the ones we love the most and why the closest relationships can be the most challenging. The mastery comes with feeling what we feel while learning how to control the expression of those feelings with others. My next step is learning the sweet spot between not saying anything and saying everything. Of knowing if I am upset or conflicted, there ’s always something I am avoiding. I need to stop long enough to ask myself the right question which is, what is really going on within ME beneath the hurtful words I want to say knowing that isn’t my true nature to do that. I have to be willing to peel back all the ugly layers I am avoiding before spewing ugly words trying to find an easy answer. If I had taken the time to fully question myself about why I was so upset about it or if I had come to you with a simple question about the quandary, I found myself in, the whole incident could have been avoided. Either way, I would have found a truer explanation and avoided the pain for both of us.

That night you were in control of your feelings when you chose to hang up rather than hurt me back with words you could have felt justified in saying. Thank you for doing that and helping me learn yet another important lesson.

I would like you to tell me that you accept my apology and forgive me, but even if you don't, I am going to forgive myself because I know my sober, thinking mind would never have spoken to you like that, but I am human and I can make mistakes too.

Since you aren't talking to me, I had to talk that one through to myself and just figured I'd include you in the process.

I knew an apology wasn’t going to help him forget what I had said , but I also knew it’s all I could offer at this point. I had to accept the fact I had hurt someone I love…again. And accept all I could do was learn from it and better control my behavior in the future.

“I made some mistakes I can’t change, but I changed so I won’t make the same mistakes.” Unknown

Resources ▪ Dr. Andy Yarborough | Licensed Clinical Psychologist (@mywellco.life) • Instagram photos and videos ▪ https://gingerrothhaas.com/practices-main/sit-with-it-and-have-a-chat (? If going to still be there? ▪ Are you looking for a safety net? - DailyOM ▪ Make Change Work for You - DailyOM ▪ Erwin Raphael McManus (@erwinmcmanus) • Instagram photos and videos ▪ Jayson Gaddis | We hurt people when we are disconnected from ourselves. It's difficult to cause harm, when we are in our hearts and bodies. That said… | Instagram ▪ H.H. Prakaśaka I | Curated excerpt of @troyblyden ‘s YouTube Video featuring his Great Uncle Malcom DeCastro titled “A Conversation with my Great Uncle |… | Instagram ▪ What's your fight style? (scoreapp.com)

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