Brave Enough To Be Bliss

didn’t like spicy food, but I finally learned that I actually love spicy food, I just don’t like onion. Jalapeños have been the best food find of my life. I love, love, love them. And the last lunch John brought in and shared with me was an Italian sandwich from Scimeca ’ s Retail Market & Deli in North Kansas City, Mo. (Scimeca's Deli | Our Story (scimecasonline.com) . He had pickles added to it and explained that was the key to it tasting the way it did. I didn’t think I liked pickles either, but they were delicious on the sandwich, and it turns out that’s another food I told myself I didn’t like, but probably hadn’t really tried. Now I think my life would be incomplete without pickles on that sandwich, so another great introduction. It turned out, it was only my thoughts that were limiting my palette, not actual food experiences. The permission and punishment discussion Ginger and I had related to food was extremely eye-opening for me, as I explained to my friend. I think that was what allowed me to stop binging on a regular basis. The following are a few other things I said during that day’s discussion about food. ▪ With regard to eating with Kylee even when I’m not hungry, I said I wanted her to grow up with a healthy body image, so when she was a baby, I consciously decided not to talk badly about myself in front of her. I also told myself I wouldn’t talk about food negatively and that I would eat in front of her, so she didn’t think I was starving myself. We always told her to eat if she was hungry, and she didn’t have to eat if she wasn’t hungry. It was important to me that she grew up with a healthy relationship with food. I wanted the focus to be on health not weight, so she could feel good about her body , probably because I didn’t feel that way about mine. It never occurred to me I could do the same thing , eat if I was hungry and not eat if I wasn’t, and use those same words back to her if she asked why I wasn’t eating . Instead, I forced myself to eat if she was eating and then I was miserable. I thought I was sacrificing for her when that sacrifice wasn’t even necessary at all, I just stuck with what I had told myself and never thought of other options. ▪ I also told Ginger, I binge to punish myself because that will make me fatter and if I’m fatter that will make me undesirable and that will avoid someone hurting me. This explained why I gained weight after the rape occurred, and likely why I returned to that coping mechanism whenever I felt out of control emotionally. ▪ I also explained to Ginger that I starve myself to feel empty because I physically feel better when I’m empty. But when I feel empty emotionally, I want to fill it with food because I can’t fill myself up any other way. I share these things in case there are others who also have issues with food so you can know you are not alone, and help is available. I was too ashamed of my habit to previously share it with anyone. But there has been so much good that has come from all I have learned about myself related to food, and now I can enjoy flavorful foods and try new things without fear. Understanding why I did what I did related to food was a huge key to being able to control the binging. Like all behavior, when I could understand the feelings beneath the behavior and actually feel them, that took away the shame, and once the shame was gone, so was the power I was giving to the food along with the need to punish myself. It wasn’t ever about the food; it was about me dealing with the real issues that were beneath the behaviors related to food. The storyline in the Mr. Rogers movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood , focuses on the friendship between him and a journalist named John Junod. The movie shows what a pure-hearted man Mr. Rogers was. Even so, Mr. Rogers didn’t shy away from difficult topics but instead addressed issues like racism, the 9/11 terrorist attacks and many other sensitive topics. He also made a video to be broadcast after his death because he wanted children to be able to understand. There is such beauty and wisdom in each of these simple quotes. Sometimes I think past pain and fear of future pain leads us to make life much more difficult than it has to be. I’m hoping everyone who reads this book will pick out a couple of these to incorporate into their lives and in that way, make every day a more beautiful one living in our neighborhoods. A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood Quotes ( 15 Inspiring A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood Quotes (Mr. Rogers Movie) (butfirstjoy.com)) 1. “I think the best thing we can do is to let people know that each one of them is precious.” – Mr. Rogers “The value of our knowledge multiplies when we share what we know with others.” Simon Sinek

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