Brave Enough To Be Bliss

“You are enough even when you don’t feel like it. Even on your darkest days, you know, the ones when you don’t even feel like getting out of bed, you’re enough on those days too. You are enough even when your heart has been hurt by someone you love and care about. You know those days when you stand in front of the mirror and don’t feel like yourself, you’re enough on those days too. When you’re exhausted, run off your feet, and didn’t finish everything you needed to do that day, you’re enough then too. You are enough. You always are and you always have been. Be kind to yourself. Today and always.” Charlotte Freeman The following is a text message with a friend from August 26, 2022, nearly four years after Ginger and I had our first conversation about food. This friend and I had recently been with a bigger group of friends at a restaurant, and we were all so impressed with her healthy food and drink selections. She had explained she was trying to make healthier choices to lose some weight, since she had already had one knee replacement surgery and knew a second one was coming. Not too long after that, I saw she was on vacation and commented on the beautiful lake photo she had posted. She responded to my message and mentioned she wasn’t making the same healthy eating and drinking decisions she had been and was frustrated with herself. My text back to her is an example of how, when we talk about the real stuff in life with our friends, there are opportunities to be reminded life is hard, other people struggle too and we can figure it out. It’s so hard sometimes to make those choices especially when we are in group settings and out of our routines. Sometimes givi ng ourselves permission can make things less overwhelming. I used to binge eat as a coping mechanism to keep all my feelings stuffed inside. My self- compassion coach asked me one time, so what’s wrong with eating a whole pizza? I said everyone knows that’s terrible. She asked, “Why?” again, and made me really talk it through. Turns out the food was a form of punishment fo r myself…all the things I said to myself after I ate the food (I’m disgusting, I can’t do anything right, I’m fat, ugly, a loser, no one c ould love me if they knew how gross I am eating all that, etc.). It wasn’t the food that was the problem, what I told myself about myself was the problem. I was just using the food to punish and torture myself further for what I already felt inside. Basically, she encouraged me to give myself permission, in those moments of distress, to eat the whole pizza, eat all the cupcakes, eat all the ice cream or peanut M&M ’s, etc. as a form of self -compassion instead of a form of punishment. By doing that, looking at myself with compassion that I’m struggling with something and giving myself permission to eat whatever I wanted in whatever quantity I wanted, and not beating myself up for it…took all the power out of the binge. I didn’t need to do it anymore. One time I started to and then a little into it, I just started laughing and then crying. B ut crying because I was so glad I didn’t need to do that anymore. I could let it go and not need to punish myself anymore for being human and feeling human emotion and not need to try to be perfect but rather just be as I was in that moment, sad or lonely or empty or angry or whatever I was really feeling and just sit with that and feel it. So anyway, I guess I said all that to just say, I hope you can try not to beat yourself up when you choose moderation or even overindulgence from time to time. And look at yourself with compassion that you are human and while you want to make these food and drink choices to be healthy and in less knee pain for many years to come, you are human. And s ometimes it’s fun to let loose and enjoy life and food and drinks that maybe aren’t completely healthy. B ut today is a new day and realistically I’m not gaining 5 pounds for one day of eating/drinking more than usual so I’m not going to beat myself u p or give up on my effort to be healthy. I’m just going to allow myself to have been human yesterday having felt the impact of that and see if that all takes away some of its power or allure to ruin your efforts for the whole weekend or longer. The things we tell ourselves can be so powerful when we are aware of them, so I hope you tell yourself all weekend what a kind, beautiful and giving human you are and know without a doubt to the depths of your soul that you deserve health, love, laughter, freedom, and joy! ❤️ ☀️ I have learned a lot and don’t struggle nearly as much with binging as I used to, but I think it’s something I will always have to be aware of when I’m feeling badly about myself. In the past few years, I’ve gotten much more honest with myself about food and think I’m becoming healthier little by little. Kylee recently asked me how to get butter out of her shirt because she had dripped some on it, and for some reason that really made me think about butter. Was it true that I didn’t like butter, or was it simply an old thought because I felt butter would add too many calories? While it’s true I don’t like so much butter something gets soggy, I actually tried eating butter and it turns out I do like the flavor, so now I eat butter if I want to. In the whole scheme of things, adding butter to an English muffin for breakfast isn’t going to be the difference between gaining weight or maintaining my weight, but the lack of flavor in what I do eat can lead me to keep eating more than I really need to trying to find something that’s actually satisfying. I had treated butter like salt, as mentioned in the Food=Life chapter.

John was good for me related to food because that man loves flavor, and food, and he introduced me to a lot of it. I may have already mentioned jalapeños , but that’s something I’ll always be grateful to him for. I had said I

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