Brave Enough To Be Bliss

wasn’t for me. I knew no sorority would want me anyway. I was far too fat and ugly. I didn’t have the right clothes or hair or personality. It was a humiliating experience even though I didn’t participate long enough for anyone to even know me or do anything particularly embarrassing. But just being me was embarrassing and humiliating enough. I told myself it was just best to focus on classes. Despite how I felt about myself in every other facet of my existence, I did believe I could write. I had spent years preparing to become a sportswriter. We had two small newspapers in my hometown, and I had volunteered in high school to write for each of them so I could start building my portfolio of writing samples. So, when I got to KU, I read there would be a meeting for anyone interested in writing for the yearbook and decided to attend. At the meeting, the editor asked for volunteers to write for various sections of the yearbook, and when he got to the sports section and started going through the various sports, I spoke up confidently, volunteering to write for men’s basketball. I was f rom a small town, barely a freshman, and a girl…but honestly none of that even entered my mind. I just raised my hand, and he looked at me with shock or disgust or perhaps both. There was an uncomfortable moment of silence during which I thought, is he not going to let me write? But then he slowly, awkwardly said I could help him, because he handled the men’s basketball section. Men’s basketball was THE sport at KU, which of course I knew and was why I wanted to write about it. Unbeknownst to me at the time, though, the editor or at least a senior traditionally covered that section. But even after I found out, I wasn’t embarrassed at all, which looking back seems out of character for me. I was sent to interview head coach Larry Brown and was given lots of instructions about what to do and say and what not to do and say, but I wasn’t nervous about any of that. I was excited. I had been reading every sports magazine that a person could order a subscription to throughout high school. I even ordered Sports Afield which turned out to be a hunting magazine. I read them cover to cover, paying attention to the style of writing. I liked the features the most, the ones where you felt like you got to know the athlete. I watched sports every weekend, and college basketball was my favorite. During those years, teams like Georgetown and Indiana were some of the great ones. I read the book Season on the Brink , and while many people were giving Bobby Knight a hard time, I really respected the discipline he brought to the team and the game. I read the book and other articles about him, seeing the good in him as a human being, seeing the good he brought out in his players, seeing the good he did for the community, not expecting he was a perfect human being. I had bought tickets for my dad and I to hear him speak at KU, but at the last minute he had to cancel his trip and Larry Brown spoke instead. I was very disappointed because I had already been in Coach Brown’s office and interviewed him. I wanted to see and hear Bobby Knight. That was one of the first times I remember seeing the good in someone when many others were questioning him or saying bad things about him. I wasn’t blind to the fact that he made mistakes, but to me, that just made him human, and I wasn’t going to judge h im.

“If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance and care.” Marvin J. Ashton

I spent a lot of time that year and the next fall reading the Bible and thinking about why, if it was Jesus on my bed that night, He didn’t just let me die. It was yet another thing that was confusing to me. I needed to find an answer that made sense because I still wanted to die, but if there was a reason He kept me from doing that, if I had some purpose in this life, some reason to be here, well then, I guess I should figure it out and do whatever that was.

Even though I had been so sure for years that I wanted to major in journalism, for a short time, I did consider a career in social work. I volunteered for the University of Kansas Audio Reader, which was a reading and

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