CBA Record

A prenuptial agreement can enhance the romance by reducing later conflict because it forces couples to face fears and assump- tions on issues that may later divide them. Easier said than done, right? But, what if one party has more wealth or power than the other and one of the parties feels that they have no voice? The authors encourage readers to adopt a dif- ferent outlook. Obviously, a person with more power values something in the other. There is an attraction. In the early stages of a relationship, generally it is the most bal- anced. That is precisely when a prenuptial agreement should be discussed because each person more readily recognizes what the other brings to the relationship. Replace Conflict with Compromise To make it easier for couples to undertake the difficult task, the authors provide specific advice on how to begin the con- versation. They suggest that the pathway to meaningful communication is to share your feelings and needs. Conflict is urged to be replaced by compromise, and steps are offered on how to avoid conflict in planning a joint future. The authors stress that talking about money is a critical part of the new love deal. After the conversation is finished and a deal is made, the authors then explain how to go about creating a prenuptial agreement. Rules are shared from knowing the law in your state to obtaining separate lawyers. Myths are debunked, too. The most common myth is that prenuptial agreements are easily broken. Most often, the “deal you make is the deal you take.” You should never count on the judge to make a better deal for you. Help is also offered on how to pick a lawyer or mediator. I was delighted to see that the authors also mentioned “Collaborative Process” as a method of deriving the prenuptial agree- ment terms. The authors identify it as a growing practice area that is a particularly effective method when the parties are willing to work toward a common goal. This process is particularly well suited to facilitating development of prenuptial agreement terms because it focuses on the

SUMMARY JUDGMENTS

REVIEWS, REVIEWS, REVIEWS!

Coupling and Uncoupling

The book is authored by three women who have experienced perspectives on divorce and relationships. Divorce attor- ney Gemma Allen, retired Cook County Domestic Relations Division judgeMichele Lowrence, and financial consultant Terry Savage share their knowledge about how to increase the odds that a relationship will be successful. The authors stress that the key to a successful relationship, traditional or non- traditional, state certified or not, is com- munication. That is not a new message and you have all probably heard it in one form or another. “Don’t go to sleep angry.” “Com- munication to a relationship is like oxygen to life.” “The way we communicate with others ultimately determines the quality of our lives.”Whereas these platitudes convey a general message “The New Love Deal” delves deeper - it points out the critical importance of making sure you know your partner’s expectations, needs and goals on money - before moving in together or marrying. The Pre-nup The book begins by pointing out that every form of committed relationship has some aspects of a business deal. And the business deal should be in writing - a prenuptial agreement. Lowrence points out that during her years on the bench, she observed many divorces caused by differing attitudes between the spouses on how to manage money. She adds that if the couple has the difficult conversations about their attitudes on money and its use before a commitment, they stand a much greater chance of staying together. A prenuptial agreement often gets a bad rap. Many people view it as planning for failure. The authors assure us otherwise:

The New Love Deal: Everything you Must Know Before Marrying, Moving In or Moving On By Gemma Allen, Michele Lowrence and Terry Savage

Reviewed By Steven Rakowski T he break-up of a committed relation- ship is often a painful, turbulent and stressful ordeal where people are required to make significant financial deci- sions at a time when emotional distress is at its peak. “The New Love Deal” offers an enjoyable, clear read on how best to have the difficult conversation about money and its use before the couple moves in together or oth- erwise makes a commitment to one another. Steven Rakowski is a domes- tic relations attorney and a member of the CBA’s Domes- tic Relations Committee and Legislative Subcommittees

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56 APRIL/MAY 2016