Brave Enough To Be Bliss

Chapter 15 — No More Excuses

“You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort, but you cannot choose both.” Brené Brown

I had told myself while Kylee was growing up that once she got older and was busy doing her own things, I would join a church small group. Since Kylee was with Matt on Tuesdays, I figured I didn’t have any more excuses, so I registered for one. This women’s group was just forming so I felt better that I wouldn’t be the only one there not knowing anyone. I remember the first night forcing myself to walk up to the door. It was just so uncomfortable walking into a new place and not knowing anyone. I ’ m sure there were many competing voices in my brain all the way there, but I almost always forced myself to go through with a commitment. In the first few years we met every other week, and then it moved to monthly for several years and then eventually with many life changes for all of us, we decided to get together several times a year to catch up and have a meal. But because of the foundation that was developed, these are women who I could contact at any time, and I know they would be there for me. There is a span of more than 35 years in our ages, and many different backgrounds, experiences, and interests but we connected because we are all simply humans living this sometimes-hard life with faith and figuring it out as best we can along the way. Our pastor refers to these people you become connected with through small groups as “stretcher bearers,” and I now fully understand the reference. There have been illnesses, surgeries, brain cancer, grandbabies and great grandbabies born, weddings, funerals, mental health challenges, sexual abuse/assault disclosures, graduations, retirements, new jobs, lost jobs, retirements, and so much more. But through all of these life events there were many calls, text messages, emails, meals, cards, visits, flowers, so much encouragement and even more prayers. Each of us knew that no matter what, we were never, ever alone and we had people we could count on to be there regardless of what the hurt or celebration was. And even when I didn’t reach out for some reason, it was still so reassuring to know they would be there if I changed my mind and needed them. It isn’t necessary to be in a church small group , though, to serve as a stretcher bearer for someone. We all have that opportunity each day when we see another hurting human. Like when I shared in an earlier chapter my reason for living, “I would see the pain they hid just like I did. I would reach out to them, even if it was just by saying hello or smiling at them. I would see them; they wouldn’t pass by me without being acknowledged. I would notice the pain in their eyes, I wouldn’t necessarily understand it, but I would see it there and where I could help, I would.” And for some of us, when we commit to seeing the pain in others, acknowledging it, refusing to give in to our fear, that is how we begin to be brave enough to see it in ourselves.

“The capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance.” Pablo Casals

The following is an email exchange with one of these ladies from many years ago when her granddaughter, Melissa, was going through a rough time. She was the same age as Kylee, so I could relate to how hard it must have been for her, Melissa’s mom , and of course, Melissa.

From: Small Group Friend To: Ginger Bliss Mon, Dec 8, 2014 at 11:51 AM

How very sweet and thoughtful you are Ginger. I have just printed what you sent and will mail it to Melissa in a Christmas Card at school. This is both timely and an answer to a prayer. You are a fountain of giving and grace just waiting to share hope with others, and I feel deeply that God has much for you to do and many lives for you to touch. Thank you for such a wonderful response! On Dec 8, 2014, at 10:13 AM, Ginger Bliss wrote: Ever since you shared about the bullying Melissa has experienced, I've been thinking about her and how hard it must have been through the years for you and your daughter to see her in pain and not be able to stop the behavior of the other girl(s). It must have been so frustrating and painful for you all. It is hard to feel helpless when any of our children are hurting. I read this message (below...You are being guided...) and thought that perhaps it might speak to Melissa given her intellectual strength. As a freshman in college, I read several books, one of which was When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner. I also read Living, Loving and Learning by Leo Buscaglia. The second book opened my mind to the idea that happiness is a choice, and I had

68