Brave Enough To Be Bliss

things that came up while I was away, but I decided to appreciate being back home and enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday before addressing anything with him.

There was something different about him . I couldn’t tell what it was for sure, but it felt like a bit of restrained resentment and anger. It wasn’t anything he said really, it was more the tone he used, his body language and a general change in his attitude. Kylee and Will had invited him to join us at their home for Thanksgiving. It was a very nice and delicious dinner, but Nathan had taken control of the television remote and even when we were all in the living room after cleaning up , he didn’t set it down or offer it to Will or Kylee. He turned the sound up and down and didn’t ask what anyone else wanted to watch. It seemed thoughtless at best and generally impolite, since we were in their home. They weren’t offended by it, but it was just odd behavior I hadn’t seen before. Prior to my return, I had found him to be very polite and thoughtful, so these behavior changes stuck out to me. Over the next couple days, we had limited interaction, but I wasn’t sure if I trusted him anymore . He told me about having gone to a church conference in Nebraska after he had to leave the apartment. He told me about some kind people who had gotten him a hotel room and some meals. While that was certainly very nice of them, I was a little perplexed because I had given him money, so he could have paid for those things himself. He made comments about needing food which felt like a hint that I should go get it. But if there was something he specifically wanted, he had money to go get it, otherwise there were things he could eat in the apartment. I had bought groceries before I left for Michigan, but I hadn’t intended to continue buying food for him long term in addition to providing a place to stay. I wasn’t mad at him, just curious what had changed his behavior. I asked him if he had followed up with the VA and he said he had left a message, but no one had gotten back to him. He had said that two weeks earlier on the phone, so it didn’t sound like a concerted effort to follow up. I asked him if he had any job leads and he said no. The more we talked it became clear he was no longer interested in doing what he had talked about and instead was just content to stay with me as long as he could. And with that realization, on Saturday evening I told him we needed to talk. I asked him about the restraining order and why he hadn’t told me about it that day on the phone, knowing I would see it when I was looking into the felony for him. He got angry and took no accountability for it, just saying she was lying about everything, and anyone could get a restraining order. That made me uncomfortable, and it felt like he was lying since he didn’t own any part of his behavior that led to the restraining order. And with that, I told him it wasn’t going to work out for him to stay with me any longer and in the morning, he needed to leave. Looking back, I should have said right then of course, but fortunately he helped me out by saying he was leaving. I told him I needed my key back, but h e didn’t immediately give it to me, which concerned me. I went into the bedroom while he was still yelling at me and sent a text to Kylee to let her know what was going on, just in case anything escalated. I wasn’t really fearful that it would, bu t he just kept getting angrier and his comments got meaner. He gave me the key back right before he left, adding in a few insults, and I was relieved when I locked the door behind him. I don’t regret the decision to get to know him or help him. It was a good learning experience for me. I became more familiar with the challenges that people who are homeless face trying to get a job. While I was aware of some of that already, having a friend who was in that situation allowed me to get a first-hand glimpse of how it felt for him. And I felt the frustration myself as I tried to help him navigate a way out. I was only sorry that he gave up trying. While it was difficult to watch him leave knowing he was going back to his car, it was a good chance for me to identify boundaries and draw the line when they weren’t respected. I wasn’t responsible for him living in his car. I tried to help him, but he wasn’t ready to make the necessary changes within himself to truly move forward in life. I do believe there was self-sabotage at play after his application wasn’t approved for the apartment. That really was a key factor in finding employment , so I’m sure it felt all too familiar and like yet another failure . He also wasn’t being honest with himself about a lot of things and hadn’t worked through his

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