Brave Enough To Be Bliss

(Why can’t I get this?)

In the hands of the Infinite As the wounds of the world became His See the kindness Heaven has for you And how He's always been drawing you in

(And I just feel so awful being offered this gift of forgiveness and perfect love , and yet if it’s there, why can’t I feel it deep in my soul? And yet He doesn’t give up on me because I do feel Him drawing me in, to the point of begging me to…that’s it , give up control. Surrender. But I’ve said it, I’ve asked for help with it. More than once. But still, I don’t feel perfectly loved.)

So many open doors, so many miracles That have followed you all of your life Looking for the truth, look into your eyes And you'll see it's been there the whole time

Even when you were running Even when you were hiding Never been a moment that you were not perfectly loved When you barely believed it When your eyes couldn't see it Every single moment, you've always been perfectly loved Perfectly loved

You're not a problem, you're not a mistake Don't need fixing or solving in the arms of His grace You're perfectly human, made from the dust You've got a heart, broken and scarred, yet perfectly loved (Maybe this is what it always comes back to? I can believe all of this, but at my core, deep down, when I get really honest, I still “feel” in my body that I am a problem, a mistake, that I do need fixing. But why?) It’s nearly 5:30 p.m. on Monday, November 20, 2023, and I know this is the last time, at least for a long while, that I’ll be able to look out the window and see this lake. Tonight, though, that feels OK. Clearly, I have more work to do. Me. And God and me. Together. Writing the next chapter of this book of my life. The end can really only be determined in retrospect. But I have a God who perfectly loves me, even when I can’t feel it, and I have people on this earth who love me and represent God with skin on. And they will be able to wrap their arms around me and I will be able to feel that. And I have Ginger to walk me through this next part of my journey . I don’t know what the future holds, but I believe wholeheartedly as long as I don’t give up, one day I will not only know I am perfectly loved, but I will be able to feel it too. “ You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. ... This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life. ” Steve Jobs

I decided to take a break and get something to eat. When I sat back down, I looked through email and saw the daily message from the church. I opened it and read the following excerpt.

COR Daily Devotional (GPS Guide 11/20/23) Paul’s final ministry travels (never give up) Acts 19:1, 8-10, 18-20, 23-41, 20:13-17, 21:11-13

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