Brave Enough To Be Bliss

While it felt terrible to be writing about us surviving when they had experienced the unbearable grief of losing their child, what I hoped to convey is that there is nothing they could have done to save her in case that thought ever crossed their minds. It wasn’t a thought I needed to share this; it came from the place in my soul that I simply cannot ignore. It was a prompting to take the photos, to share the message right then. Not after I arrived in Michigan, but right then. Maybe it wasn’t right for them at that moment, maybe it never will be, and maybe there was some tidbit in it they needed to hear, but for some reason I cannot fully explain, I felt I was supposed to send it to them. Maybe it was more to share in this book in case someone else needs to be reminded that while we give our children life, we cannot force them, or anyone else, to live no matter how hard we try and how much we want them to. I don’t know their unbearable grief, but I could relate all too well to their daughter’s desire to end the pain. “Nothing is more important than empathy for another human being’s suffering. Nothing. Not career, not wealth, not intelligence, certainly not status. We have to feel for one another if we’re going to survive with dignity.” Audrey Hepburn

Following is the Facebook post from Joe Karlin whose son died by suicide.

Joe Karlin Facebook Post November 5, 2021

Ten years ago, today we experienced every family’s worse nightmare. We lost our son and brother, Tom.

Ten years. A full decade, yet it seems like a lifetime ago. While time doesn’t truly heal all wounds, it does scab them over. It has to! There is no way we could have lived with the pain and despair we experienced in those early days, months, and years when the agony was so fresh and so intense. To any family experiencing the loss of a loved one, I share with you the hope and realization that it does get better. It doe sn’t happen quickly. It doesn’t happen evenly. You’ll feel as though you’ve taken steps forward when you then realize you’ve slipped a bit. But it does get better. Give it time. While we’d give anything to have Tom back, we wouldn’t want to be the people – the family – that we were before Tom’s death. We have grown closer together in his loss. We value each other more. We value life more. What others may consider casual and regular occasions; we value more deeply because we know loss. We understand other's struggles better and show an empathy that previously we didn’t know. Our hearts are bigger because our hearts were shattered. We are so grateful for you – our family, friends, and community – who have walked beside us during this time. You were and are our “stretcher bearers.” You lifted us up when we had no strength to do so ourselves. Bless all of you for all you have done for us. We could not have done it without you!

Tom, we miss you. We miss you desperately. However, we live in faith, and we know that you rest in Christ’s embrace and that we will see you again!

Everybody does hurt and unfortunately everybody has to find their own reason to go on. No matter how much we love someone, we cannot transplant a will to live. Whether you are the one hurting or you are the one loving someone who is hurting, know you are not alone. It doesn’t take away the pain, but it can help to remember these elements of self-compassion. This is tough. Others are hurting too. I can figure this out.

EVERYBODY HURTS (Lyrics) by R.E.M (youtube.com)

“Grief is the reminder that love was present, and that even if it’s no longer in its original form, that love still exists.” Michelle Maroc

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