Brave Enough To Be Bliss

the song, Try , which you may recall I sent to my hair stylist Angie after her mother passed away. And as I heard these words something inside me stirred…

It's ok to feel angry …

And it’s ok to ask questions Turn your hurt to the heavens It’s ok to wonder what it’s all for

It's ok if you're out of strength If you don't how to pray anymore

I took the photo, put my phone down and tears started streaming down my face. And as the song got louder and louder, it became clear to me what I had to do.

I had to scream.

I had told a dear friend of mine years earlier that I couldn’t scream. It bothered me because I wanted to. Sometimes when I would break down in tears somewhere by myself, I wanted to scream, I wanted to feel some kind of release, but I could barely allow myself to cry, so how could I possibly scream? And yet there was so much that had been bottled up through the years, I needed to scream. My neck and shoulders felt it every day. As you’ll recall, with the migraines I felt like my head would feel so much better if I could literally crack it open because the pressure was so intense. I knew I needed to be able to get all of that out of my body, all the feelings, all the anger, all the rage, all the sadness, all the self-hate, all the ugliness, all the shame, all of it, I wanted it gone. And I decided when I found a place to pull over, I would play the song again, turn it up as loud as I could stand and then I would scream when the chorus started. And at that moment, I rounded a corner, and this lake appeared with a perfect paved spot to pull over away from the road.

I was still crying, and I felt self-conscious, but mostly I was scared. I didn’t know how to scream after all and the first time doing anything is always hard. But as the song came to the chorus the second time, I turned the volume way up and let out a scream that seemed barely audible.

He’s not afraid of your doubt So go ahead and let it all out

Nothing can shake Him Nothing can break Him Say it out loud

As the song increases in intensity, so did my second attempt to scream.

Lift up your voice to the sky Just scream it out asking Him why

And then the third time was an actual horror movie type scream from the depths of my soul for my pain and all the pain of this world. The rape, the physical, sexual, emotional abuse, the murder, the hate, the discrimination,

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