Brave Enough To Be Bliss

life to be over. I remember being excited and telling Ginger a few years ago that when I had my mammogram, it was the first time I left hoping they didn’t find anything wrong. I understand that sounds awful to all of the people who have felt pain due to breast cancer. I lost my Aunt Sharen to breast cancer, so there’s a part of me that feels bad even admitting to it. But it is simply the truth of how I felt. If I could have wished it away from my Aunt Sharen and into my body, I certainly would have done that. It just isn’t the way life works, though. We can’t pick and choose what happens to us. W e can do what we can to control being physically healthy, but there are times when even the healthiest people die from a heart attack or are diagnosed with cancer or other diseases. Unfortunate things can and do still happen no matter what a human being does to prevent it. And shaming and judging myself or anyone else doesn’t help other people live. Life…is…just…hard…and….unfair. Now that I actually want to live, fear can creep in from time and time, and I start to wonder if I’m going to get a terminal illness or die in an accident now just as punishment for not appreciating living all those years I could have. But then I remember, that’s just fear and control at work again, and I appreciate and am grateful for living right in that moment. If something unfortunate does happen to me, it will just be what it is…not punishment, just a part of living as a human on this earth. When it comes to thinking about the speed at which my daughter grew up, I benefited from advice Mom Sherri gave me when I was pregnant. As a result, I made it a point to attempt to be as fully present with Kylee as possible, even during the challenging times, because Mom Sherri told me to appreciate every age and stage because when you are frustrated and impatient wishing they’d get to the next age or stage, you’ll soon wish they were back at the last one. I took that advice to heart, so I don’t feel that it flew by at all, but instead it went at just the right speed because I experienced it all right with her.

The following is a Facebook post of mine for her birthday a few years ago.

Twenty-four years ago, today this little girl came into the world and instantly became my love and my life. My husband would get her up, dressed, hair done, and breakfast eaten. Mornings were Daddy time and nighttime was Mommy time. I remember rocking her almost every night as a baby thinking I’m going to cherish each and every night that she allows me to sit in this chair and rock her to sleep. I could have laid her in her crib, but I always kept holding her as long as I could cherishing every moment, listening to every breath, smiling when she finally was deeply asleep and had a big sigh as I felt her entire little body fully relax in my arms. But as much as I loved those moments, when it was time for her to transition to a toddler bed, she was so excited that I couldn’t help but be excited for her. And it’s been like that with every transition she’s made, from baby to toddler to little girl to tween to teenager to college girl to young woman living on her own and now soon to be bride. I have always loved photographs and these that I'm posting are some of my all-time favorites. I keep many of them around the house and in my office at work. As I pass by these images, they bring me tremendous joy because each contains a special memory, a point in time that I remember vividly. And while I cherish each and every image from each and every phase, I don’t wish to go back to any particular time because I’m still so excited about what the next stage will bring her.

I couldn't have imagined the depth of love that I could have for another human being until she entered my world. She didn't just change my life; she made my life worth living on an entirely new level. We have celebrated, smiled,

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