Brave Enough To Be Bliss

hiding the emotions we know are there. And I think most women would agree, there ’ s nothing stronger and sexier than a man who confidently expresses his true feelings.

“You are not defined by your scars; you are defined by the ability to heal.” @namicommunicate

Now I’m going to need you to stick with me on this part. It’s going to be harder, and you may want to stop reading, but please don’t. Nothing will get better if you can’t do hard things that make you feel emotions you may not have been allowed to show growing up, or that women have told you they want you to show and then when you do, they don’t know how to respond because they’re surprised. Please understand, we’re learning to receive your emotion at the same time you’re learning to express it. It may be awkward at times, but don’t shut down. Don’t run away. Be steady. Be someone who can be counted on. Men like to solve women’s problems, so please, please, please, solve this one! Sexual harassment, sexual abuse and sexual assault happens and some of you reading may have been hurt yourselves. And if so, not just this section but this book is for you. I believe you. I am so very sorry you were hurt. It was absolutely not your fault. There are people who can help you. As a man, I can only imagine how difficult it would be for you to carry this burden and not feel you can tell anyone about it. The fear I felt in keeping the secret has to be even harder for a man because of a variety of historical fears and stigmas. If my male friend hadn’t asked me if I had been abused or assaulted, and then told me about his abuse, I wouldn’t have ever even thought about sexual abuse for boys and men. Honestly, it just hadn’t occurred to me that it could be an issue , so I’m very glad he was honest and shared his story with me. My hope and prayer is that you share yours with someone you trust too. It is the first step to healing and you deserve to heal. And while I don’t know h ow this can be done, sexual assault in prisons needs to stop. When these men and women get out of prison it’s ridiculous to believe they aren’t going to be even more dangerous with all that additional rage. Criminals are still humans and sexual violence isn’t ok for any human anywhere, but especially if we expect them to behave humanely when they are out of prison. Because the vast majority of perpetrators are men, I feel the issue of sexual harassment, abuse and assault really needs to be solved with the inclusion of or even better the leadership of men in that process. When we included employees in the process of how to improve behaviors related to employee engagement and patient satisfaction at the hospitals I worked in, we were able to enact more effective solutions. We didn’t just tell them what to do, we asked them what could be done. That way, we had buy-in with the improvement process. They knew better than anyone in management because they did the work every day and they knew what their coworkers would and wouldn’t do. In the same way, I would suggest men be involved in how to reduce the issue of harassment, abuse and assault. Men don’t generally like to be ing told what to do. If men come up with the solution, since they know what it’s like to be a man, there’s a better chance they will be invested in its success. And then there’s a better chance they would hold each other accountable and step in when inappropriate behaviors are demonstrated. I wonder if some of the apathy that has developed has come because men are trying not to do the wrong thing. It’s easy as a woman to question that, saying it’s blaming the victim, but the more I have healed, the more I can see how my own behavior could have been confu sing and given mixed signals. I’m capable of carrying my own bags, opening my own doors, and don’t talk to me like I don’t know what I’m doing or how to take care of myself. But if I’m in one of these situations, of course, men should know to step in right away and get that man to leave me alone. I am not at all giving men a pass, but rather trying to show how there can be misunderstandings, feelings they can’t do anything right, etc. I read that men are actually more insecure than women, in general. Someti mes when insecure people aren’t sure what to do, the safest thing to do can be nothing. It doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong, if women want that to change, I think it’s going to take more specific and intentional communication than we presently are having.

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