Brave Enough To Be Bliss

On Sun, Feb 12, 2023 at 10:31 PM, a male friend sent me this text: I find your written communication to me to be very insightful and helpful. I don't always appreciate the perceived tone, but what you write is helpful to me for self-reflection. There was one message that was very helpful. In fact, it slapped me upside the face. And I needed it. Here is what slapped me in the face and made me think. I am the f****** problem in my life. You said that if you were her friend, that you'd tell her I am not giving her what she needs, etc. And you are right. I am not. What if my 80% happiness is because of my failures and not hers. My moodiness, unwillingness to share, no intimacy, etc. What if I am the problem that needs fixed and not her. You said (several times) that growth is not comfortable. That text was not comfortable. But it is true. I am the problem, and I need to man up and address it or get out. I don't know what to do with this slap in the face right now, but I thank you for speaking truth to me.

In that text, you called me a decent guy. I don't want to be merely decent. I am better than that but have shortcomings that make me seem just decent.

Sorry, this isn't all better thought out. I am not sure what it means yet to be honest. But last night, your tone and your words slapped me. And for that I am thankful because I think there is discovery, learning and betterment there.

I just re- read this and was tempted not to send it. It doesn’t sound as coherent as I wanted. But I said I would so here it is. This is a rambling email from someone who is trying to learn and grow.

And it doesn’t get better than that, trying to learn and grow. Men and women being vulnerable enough to have those kinds of conversations that lead to self- reflection are imperative for healthy relationships. It’s obviously best when those conversations can happen directly with a partner, but there are times when a relationship is so distant, working on oneself initially can be the best thing to do. Going to therapy, coaching, anything where you are trying to figure out why you do what you do and how it affects your relationship will ultimately be an investment that leads to feeling better about yourself.

“Dear Men. Close your eyes. Imagine you have a daughter. Imagine she is dating a guy just like you. Did you smile? No. Then change.” Unknown

It doesn’t matter if you like country music or not, this video is worth paying close attention to. There are multiple lessons in this video. Of course, the words of the song, but also the way Tim McGraw touches Faith Hill, looks deeply into her eyes, looks at her longingly and lovingly (they are married in real life, just in case you didn’t know). And I think there’s little question Tim McGraw gets lucky after making this video, or is it really that Faith Hill gets lucky? Personally, I think they both get lucky and feel lucky to have each other. And that’s the point.

Tim McGraw, Faith Hill - Speak to a Girl (youtube.com)

On October 6, 2023, Tim McGraw shared this on Instagram, "Today is our 27th wedding anniversary and I fall for you every day, every time you walk into the room, every time I see you in our 3 beautiful daughter's smiles," he added. "I just keep falling and always will. Happy anniversary my love!"

Now not everyone can prepare a music video as a tribute to his wife, but Tim McGraw did.

Tim McGraw - One Bad Habit (Official Music Video) (youtube.com)

I love these songs and his quote because it celebrates the differences between men and women. He can be soft, gentle, tender, and vulnerable with her and yet he can remain who he is, a whiskey drinking, hell raising, cussing, all-around imperfect human, al l while acknowledging he trusts her, he’s lucky to have her, and never wants to lose her. On Instagram, John Delony posted this guidance, “Dads, hug your sons. Not lame, weak little side hugs, but full on, front hugs. Hug them tight and let them feel safe in your strength…long after they grow stronger than you. And Dads, tell your sons that you love them. Say the words, ‘ I love you. ’ Say the words, ‘I’m proud of you.’ Look

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