Brave Enough To Be Bliss

better. All you can do is to be with people in that space. So if all you can come up with is, ‘I don’t know what to say. I just know that I want to be with you in this. I don’t know how to make it better. I just know that I’m dying inside to make it better . I want to help.’ What we all need when we’re in struggle is the ability for other people to look us in the eye, to be with us, to embrace us, and to be willing to be with us. ” Brené Brown Thinking back to all those worries that had gone through my mind when John ’s mom passed away made me sad because the person I was then, was incapable of actually being present in the moment, with him or anyone. My mind was in constant planning and preparing mode. That doesn’t allow for true compassion and empathy. I wanted to share this realization with him verbally, but he was out of town, so I got impatient and sent him my apology through email to make sure at least the words had been said as soon as I realized how I had failed him. Being able to empathize with people, being able to sit with them in their pain reminding them they are not alone, that is a gift that cannot be underestimated. My presence, love and care were all that John had needed, but my brain made it so much more complicated, and I damaged a relationship that meant so much to me without even having an awareness of what I was doing, or more precisely, not doing . I can’t make up for it, but I do deeply regret it because I hurt someone, I cared deeply for at one of the worst times of his life and I missed the opportunity to build trust with him and myself.

From: Ginger Bliss To: John Sent: Thursday, September 23, 2021, 08:00:15 AM CDT Subject: Apology

I am truly so very sorry I wasn’t there for you after your mom passed away. I could try to explain what my insecurities were then, but none of that matters one bit. I should have been there, no question. I should have been a physical presence with you when you asked, not a voice on the phone or hollow words in a text/email. And later that evening I should have gone to your parents’ house and shown up for you even if you couldn't talk to me much and all I could do was give you a hug and offer my condolences to your family. Looking back now, I simply let my fears rob me of the chance to be there for you, to be who you needed at one of the hardest times of your life. And you actually gave me the chance to be there for you like I had always wanted to be, but I didn’t show up. I know there’s nothing I can do to make up for that, John, but the person I am today would do it all differently. I wouldn't hesitate. I would be there. I can now be emotionally available to another because I am emotionally available to myself.

I meant every word more than written words can convey which is why I wanted you to be looking in my tear-filled eyes when I told you.

“Power of Empathy: I’m in it with you. I’m not here to fix you. I’m not here to feel it for you. I’m here to feel with you and let you know you’re not alone.” Brené Brown

I’ve watched the following clip of Andrew Garfield several times because I find his words very moving, so in addition to providing the words, I want you to have the opportunity to hear him say them out loud. I love his honesty and vulnerability, and the love he had for his mother that comes shining through on this video.

This brought me to tears. “Grief is unexpressed love” that can help us “sew up the wounds.” What a thought! What an intention! So many… | Instagram

Talking about the recent passing of his mother, he says , “I love talking about her by the way, so if I cry, it’s only a beautiful thing. This is all the unexpressed love, the grief that will remain with us until we pass because we never get enough time with each other, right, no matter if someone lives until 60, 15 or 99. So I hope this grief stays with me because it’s all the unexpressed love that I didn’t get to tell her and I told her every day, we all told her every day, she was the best of us.” The following March, my former mother-in-law called to let me know her youngest brother was not doing well and likely would soon pass away. After talking on the phone, I sensed she was asking questions about her faith. I was both moved and yet scared to send this email to her, but her response touched my heart and reminded me how important it is to be brave. We are told many things growing up, but the good news is that as adults we get to decide for ourselves at 25, 30, 40, 52, 70 or 90…it is up to each of us to seek and find our own answers.

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