Brave Enough To Be Bliss

And that brings me to the initial thought that led me to have this party. I was lying in bed one Sunday morning scrolling through TikTok because I didn’t feel like getting up yet but wasn’t sleepy. I ran across a video with a song I hadn’t heard before, so I switched over to Spotify to listen to the whole song. I loved it and it reminded me of Kylee because she and I have been through so much together through the years. It wasn’t always easy for either of us to go through what we went through or to see each other through those times. There were times when we lived for each other which wasn’t the healthiest thing, but we survived which was the most important thing, and eventually we learned to live for ourselves. So, when I heard this song and saw the video of a mom and daughter dancing to it, I thought, we should do that, and it made me wonder why she and I ever stopped dancing in the kitchen. I told a friend; I thought it must be because I fell. The last time I could remember dancing with her, was when I happened to fall because of my slick socks on a hardwood floor and while it hurt, I remembered laughing so she wouldn’t worry about me but that’s the only thing I could think of as to a reason why we stopped dancing together in the kitchen. A few days later I asked her why we stopped, and without hesitation, she said, because you fell. So, I’m guessing we have missed out on about 15 years of dancing in the kitchen because of fear. A couple years ago I had a friend who was helping me try to learn to dance and after a while, he told me to put my arms around his neck, he picked me up and I put my legs around his waist. He then told me to trust him and let go of his neck and fall back. It was one of the scariest and yet most invigorating experiences of my life. He knew me and he knew the key to me being able to dance was to overcome the fear, so this was the perfect way to practice. If I could let go of his neck while he spun me around, arms outstretched just flying through the air, I would someday be able to dance like nobody’s watching. I allowed fear to rob me of so much in this life, but my story of being brave is just getting started. Tonight, I celebrate all of you because with your support, your encouragement, through sharing your stories of struggle, your vulnerability, and giving me your love, I have finally found not only my words, but my voice. So, cheers to each one of you and cheers to 55, may this year ahead be the bravest yet for all of us! On March 16, 2023, at 7:21 a.m. I woke up with these words reflecting back on what it felt like at my birthday party. To dance, to move about the room, talking, laughing, having the absolute time of my life just being me. I was no longer in my head. I could fully inhabit my body. I was one with it. No longer did I need to be outside of it looking in, simply an observer. I could experience it. I coul d enjoy being in it. I could enjoy being “in” this thing called life!

From: Ginger Bliss To: John Mon, Apr 3, 2023 at 11:37 AM

I have never been able to easily understand you when you text me. The abbreviations and your emoji usage are just not things I easily follow. I guess I'm too literal, don't have enough practice, etc. I re-read our communication from Saturday and I get it now.

I spent yesterday feeling embarrassed, confused, and ashamed until I remembered, I am only responsible for my feelings and being true to myself which means sharing my feelings with others. You have had the power with the click of a button on your phone for texts and email that you could have blocked me years ago. I don't want you to block me, but it's ok for you to do what's best for you. But it will be better for you to block me than for me to stop contacting you because that gives you the power. You telling me you have no interest in what I have to say, no interest in anyone's feelings except your own isn't consistent with the man I know you are in your heart and soul. I realize I say things you don't want to hear. I realize I have feelings you don't want me to have. I realize I challenge you in ways you aren't ready to be challenged. But you didn't block me years ago, so I think somewhere deep inside you knew the seeds I was planting one day might be helpful to you, so you didn't block my messages. You aren't ready to be loved, but like all of us humans, sometimes it's nice to hear we are loved even if it's not from whom we want to be loved. I am sorry for making you uncomfortable and pushing you to the point you had to talk to me in those ways, but I do understand.

So if you truly don't want to hear from me anymore, block me on your phone and block me in email. I've given you the instructions below because I want you to know that I understand you get to decide what's right for you. I want you to know that I'm proud of you

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