Brave Enough To Be Bliss

While I don’t recall hearing a lot of complaining about the locker room, the women’s team had a general feeling of being “less than , ” which bothered me even more. I felt the team deserved better from the athletic department and the university. When we returned from a holiday tournament the players all headed back to spend time with their families for a few days. I figured the Fieldhouse would be pretty empty, providing a safe time to paint the lockers. In my mind, if I bought the paint and provided the labor, there shouldn’t be any problem. While I acted with one other person, I declined to say who it was then and still do now. I left the extra paint and brushes there in case a touch-up was ever needed. I thought the team and coaches would be so excited to see the KU blue lockers when they got back from Christmas. Well, there was excitement all right, but not the type I had anticipated. As soon as I arrived at work the next business day, I was immediately told to go to Coach Washington’s office. I honestly don’t really remember the specifics of what was said, but apparently, I am not a smart criminal. I purchased the paint at the only Sherwin-Williams ® store, in town and it was the store brand, so leaving the paint cans led the administrator right to the store where he must have explained the perceived vandalism. I had paid with a check, and they still had it in the cash register, so I was caught red-handed. While I could and likely should have been fired, I wasn’t. Coach Washington knew my heart was in the right place, wanting to show the players they were cared for and valued, I had just made the mistake of taking matters into my own hands. Looking back now I see the issues with what I did, but at the time as a naïve 23-year-old, I really just thought I was doing a good thing. I had seen an injustice. I didn’t complain about it, because of course I didn’t complain about anything, I just tried to do what I could to make it right. I also thought no one would ever find out who did it. I felt like everyone who worked in the athletic department knew what I had done. I told myself I had let everyone down. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and humiliated. I wasn’t asked to join the lunch group anymore and felt they hated me, and if they had ever respected me at all, that was definitely gone. I felt alone and ostracized. I no longer enjoyed going to work like I had before. I just felt so, so stupid and knew my career in college athletics was definitely over. I don’t recall talking about my feelings with anyone at the time, I was just silently miserable and felt like a complete failure. Nothing was actually ever said to me about it other than the one conversation with Coach Washington, but it changed everything, at least in my mind. And that’s all it took. I let fear of how people might feel about me take away my desire to become an athletic director and ultimately decided to leave college athletics.

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” Unknown

I am very pleased to note that things have changed dramatically since those days at KU and many other universities. The KU athletics strategic plan that can be found online has Inclusive Excellence Goals, the women’s sports facilities are top notch, and in 2023 there was a well -deserved and long overdue recognition for Coach Washington.

Kansas Dedicates Marian E. Washington Women’s Basketball Suite - University of Kansas (kuathletics.com)

KU women’s hoops locker room named in honor of legendary Kansas basketball coach Marian Washington - KU Sports

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