Brave Enough To Be Bliss

knew, but that doesn’t change the fact that there were consequences to not knowing what I didn’t know. This is healthy self-reflection, and I am simply brave enough to be completely honest about it.

I can see what I did well, and I can see what I didn’t , and look back with equal amounts of compassion and honesty about my behavior. I want to do that because without that ability to be honest with myself , I wouldn’t be able to learn and instead would continue to negatively impact my relationship with my daughter and others. There is no shame in acknowledging mistakes, the shame is when we try to hide them from ourselves or others.

“The degree to which a person can grow is directly proportional to the amount of truth they can accept about themselves without running away.” Leland Val Van De Wall

Love Always Protects, Part II

“Parenting has a million possible moments that require grace.” Jon Acuff

Nothing can rip parents apart like knowing they haven ’ t protected their child from pain. I remember my daughter rolling off the twin bed onto the hardwood floor before my husband’s grandmother’s funeral. Of course, I knew better, but it was just for a split second while I grabbed her dress from the other bed that I could literally reach without taking a step. But it happened so quickly. I had just turned my head from her for a brief moment. While she was likely screaming from fear as much as pain, it was the first time I can remember doing something so directly that led to her pain and it…tore…me…up. While there wasn’t any visible or long -term damage, my mind went to all the things that could have happened and the what ifs and why did I and if only I hadn’t. I had set out to protect her from all harm and that is how I judged myself on being a mother. Ensuring my little girl was safe, free from pain and always happy was the bar I set when she was born and anything less than that was failure as a mother. I was clearly doomed. No one gets through this hard life without some level of heartache or hardship, and our children are not an exception to this as much as we would like them to be. Accepting this while doing what is reasonably possible to protect ourselves, and those we love, is how we develop resilience that we can draw upon when it is needed. I’m sure this wasn’t the only fear I passed on to Kylee , but it’s an example of one. In second grade, she wanted to go to Worlds of Fun with a neighbor friend and her parents. When her friend’s mom called to ask if she could go with them, I remember reluctantly saying she could, but I emphasized that Kylee didn’t really like roller coasters. I asked if she was sure it would be alright if, once Kylee got there, she said she didn’t want to go on a ride . In reality, I don’t think she had ever been on a roller coaster because I passed along my fear of roller coasters to her. As I recall she said she had fun with them that day, but I’m sure I didn’t. Instead of enjoying a free afternoon with my husband doing something fun, I stewed about it the whole time she was gone. Someone shared the message below with the photo in the link under it on Facebook, and it stopped me in my tracks. I saved it to share with Ginger because immediately when I saw it, I thought it was all wrong. I understood the concept and for years I had thought the same thing, but now, I really think we have it wrong.

If they only knew, but our job is to make sure they don’t. photo of father with daughter on shoulders and shark beneath the water - Search Images (bing.com)

There are many sharks, but I’ll use child sexual abuse as an example since the topic is one I’m familiar with .

Parents fear the shark under the water, so we tell ourselves we are protecting the children by hiding its existence. But we are really protecting ourselves from the fear and leaving them unprepared should the shark approach. Hiding the knowledge that the shark exists doesn’t prevent an attack, but it can prevent the child from disclosing it if attacked and that is what can be deadly.

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