Brave Enough To Be Bliss

about things that many people don’t want to read about. If it wasn’t vitally important, though, I don’t think all these things would have lined up for me to have learned what I learned and now share with you.

When I worked at Shawnee Mission Medical Center in the early 2000s, it had the busiest emergency department (ED) in the county and the second busiest in the metro area. Whenever there was a potential media story or reporters wanted to speak with someone, I was called to handle the situation, 24/7. It wasn’t a daily or even a weekly occurrence, but when it happened, it had to be responded to immediately. This particular evening, I was actually onsite at the hospital because the senior leaders were serving free Midnight Meals to the overnight staff to show our appreciation for them. I believe I came back to the office after Kylee went to bed to get a few things done, when I received the call to get in touch with the ED director about a potential media situation. I had told the leaders that I would always rather know about a potential situation well in advance because I never wanted to be caught off guard. Having time to devise a plan in my mind, be able to obtain more information in advance if I had questions, etc. allowed me to be prepared in case I did eventually end up getting a call. Most often, the media didn’t get involved, but I was happy to have time to prepare for how we would need to handle it should the need arise. When the ED director explained to me that an infant had just been brought in who had been severely sexually abused, I about dropped the phone. Yes, an infant. I was stunned. I wanted to cry, but I was in too much shock to do anything at all. Of course, I knew childhood sexual abuse occurred, but for some reason it had never even entered my mind it could happen with an infant. I don’t know why really, but it just hadn’t. So I thanked her for making me aware and told her I’d let her know if I received any media i nquiries and needed to know more. It has been more than 20 years since that call, and I still remember it vividly. Working in a hospital, I had been made aware of many tragedies, but never this. All I could do was think of this tiny little human who had been violated in such a horrible way and it took my breath away. But as always, I didn’t cry, didn’t talk about it, just tucked those feelings away, put a smile on my face, and went to serve meals to the associates. Regardless of the age, any child who is sexually abused has a brain that is still forming while they are forced to endure physical and mental torment, often by people who are supposed to love them. They are manipulated and violated as deeply as anyone can ever be violated, and then most often they are left alone in pain and agony trying to process an adult experience in their little brains and bodies. We want to believe this little infant won’t remember what happened and that someone will care and love for him or her in such a way that he or she will grow into a healthy adult. But that isn’t what happens. Even if that little human cannot remember what happened, his or her body does and most likely the torture will come out through behaviors that cannot even be understood by that individual or anyone else. And then, we look at that person who ends up back in the hospital with an addiction or suicidal thoughts, in jail as convict, or as an individual with any variety of mental health conditions and we ask, “What’s wrong with you?” Instead of, “What happened to you and how can I help?” And it breaks my heart that we aren’t all taught to ask the right question. But the good news is, we can all learn to ask the right question moving forward. When I listened to the book, What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD, and Oprah Winfrey, I wished every human being could. It just makes so much sense and is explained in a way anyone can understand. So, maybe your trauma wasn’t sexual abuse, sexual assault, divorce, depression, suicidal ideations, physical assault, emotional abuse, eating disorder, death of a loved one, or any of those things…but what did happen to you that hurt you and has impacted you and your relationships? What are you wanting to take to your grave that needs to be discussed so it doesn’t impact your relationships? What hurt do you still carry from a breakup that leads you to limit how much trust you will give your girlfriend or wife? What pain do you keep buried, thinking your boyfriend or husband wouldn’t want to listen, but then take it out on him with your anger?

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