Brave Enough To Be Bliss

words and no hugs big enough in a time like that, but it still felt better to see them face-to-face.

The book I sent Danielle’s mom was called When God Winks by Squire Rushnell. When I checked in with her a few days after seeing her at the hospital, she told me she was reading the book aloud to Tyler while he lay unconscious in an induced coma in the ICU. It felt like a God wink that I sent her the book, somehow knowing she would need something to give her hope in the dark days ahead. Also, what good messages to be going into Tyler’s brain if he could possibly hear the words. And if nothing else, it helped me feel a little less helpless knowing the small gesture might be bringing them comfort at a time when they couldn’t do anything but hope and pray for a miracle. As you may recall during that first pandemic summer there was a great deal of racial unrest and protests across the country. Tensions were high for the police and community due to the examples of fatal use of force by law enforcement. While Tyler’s shooting didn’t have anything to do with the unrest, his name hadn’t been released to the media just to err on the side of caution. Tyler’s recovery went much better than anyone thought it would in those early days. Several months later, Kylee told me on a Monday evening they were coming home from the rehab hospital on Thursday. I had already told Danielle that I wanted to help her parents by hiring a cleaning crew, since their home had been empty for several months while they were in Colorado. I got online and searched desperately for anyone with availability to clean a whole house on short notice. I was planning to meet the cleaning crew there to let them in, wash sheets, clean out the refrigerator, and stock it with some food and drinks so it wasn’t empty when they got home. Most companies were understandably booked, but I was finally able to hire one for Wednesday afternoon. The cleaning crew ’s vehicle was already there when I arrived, so I hurriedly pulled in and started walking up to the house. I saw a gentleman get out of his truck and I met him at the front door. He said he was going to walk through the house with me first and then give directions to the crew about how to tackle the job. Since I hadn’t been inside yet, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but immediately upon entering the house the living room was covered with thin blue line police flags, hundreds of police challenge coins that had been sent in from all over the country, and various other police gifts. I told him I would consolidate all of that into the dining room. We walked around the house and I told him what I wanted them to do, what I would be doing while they were cleaning and to let me know if they needed anything at all. It felt a little awkward when I saw everything because he was a large Black man and I wasn’t sure how he felt about the police given the current social climate. He didn’t say anything, so I just focused on the cleaning conversation and carried on through the house tour. I assumed when the women came in to clean, I could quickly get the consolidation done and at least then it wouldn’t be staring anyone in the face. He said would get the crew, so figuring they’d be bringing equipment in to clean with, I held the door open for them. And when they began getting out of the truck, I was stunned as one after another they got out and then walked past me…four more large, Black men. I was going to be the only female there, so at least I had that experience from my sports information days, along with a history of not showing any emotion. I will admit, it threw me a bit at first because I hadn’t ever seen or even heard of an all -male cleaning crew. And their race only stood out as another factor in my rising level of fear because I hired them to come into the home of a police officer at the worst possible time. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have cared what race five large men were, just the fact they were alone with me would have been a bit unsettling.

I consolidated the police gifts into the dining room as quickly as possible and tried to turn things so the thin blue line was hidden, just in case it was an issue. I certainly didn’t want to make the situation worse. And then I

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