Strictly Slots August 2022

PERFECTLY FRANK BY FRANK LEGATO

BLOGGING AND SPINNING Slot blogs may steer you wrong

I often rail in this space against the wealth of slot-machine misin formation that plagues the internet. So, I’ll do it again. I just finished reading an article, a post, a blog, or whatever it is the young hipsters call it. It was titled “How to Play Slot Games—Tips to MaximizeYourWinnings.”It was on a website called MyMMANews.com,which in itself is curious,since that site is dedicated to the world of Mixed MartialArts.Evidently, in between practicing the fine art of punching someone in the brain, MMA fighters must like a good session at the slots. Anyway, the “tips” may as well have been written by an MMA fighter. It starts out reasonably enough.“The only way to ensure that you win a significant amount of money is to learn how to exercise financial restraint and to play in an honest manner.”OK, I’ll buy that. Now, hold onto your fanny packs.Here comes the advice. “To begin, you need to stay away from slot games that are overly complicated. Games that are more difficult to understand have lower chances of winning.” I agree that there are games that are complicated. Heck, try describing some of these games in print. But that doesn’t make them have“lower chances of winning.”The complicated stuff just happens in front of you. It’s not like you have to explain how you just won or lost. But I do take the point as valid.Games should be simple to understand. Here’s where the blogster goes off the rails. “After [you avoid complicated games], you will be able to acquire the knowledge necessary to improve your winning through strategy.In the end, you will be happy that you took the time to educate yourself on the fundamentals of slot play.” Strategy? The “fundamentals of slot play?” Here are those fundamentals: 1. Put money in. 2. Push the button. That’s about it.There’s no such thing as strategy in a slot game.The thing about slot machines is that they require nothing more than money and opposable thumbs.They can be played by chimpanzees. In fact, scientists researching gambling addiction actually do use chimpanzees. They can easily be taught to sit there and push a button. Rats, too.These same scientists—I believe they’re all in Canada— have used rats to study the risk-and-reward process of playing slot machines.Remarkably,not one rat or monkey had to be educated on the fundamentals of slot play,and yet,their chances of winning on any given game was exactly the same as those of the scientists who were putting them in front of slot machines.

The blog gets better:“Before going to a casino, if you aren’t much of a player, you might want to consider taking a class to learn how to play the slot machines there.” See above.A monkey can play a slot machine.Without a class. The blog obviously was written for the growing audience of online slot players.And, it’s not all bad. It notes, for instance, that online casino sites often let you play for free before deciding on the game to which you will devote your personal dollars. It even suggests playing a game online before you go and find the physical version of the game in a casino. It suggests reading reviews of the slots before spending your money. All sound advice. Then, it goes on to say something like this: “When you go to play slot machines,you want to make sure you’re not in a casino that also has a bar or an airport because those are two places where people tend not to gamble as much.” First of all, I don’t know of any casino that has an airport in it, so... Oh, I know what he meant. He’s half right. Stay away from the airport slots.Those are present for the sole purpose of separating you from whatever money you have left as you prepare to travel home.But people don’t gamble much on slots in bars? Come on, man! Why do you think bar owners and managers cut big holes in perfectly good bar tops to squeeze in slots and video poker? I’ve been going to Las Vegas for nearly 40 years, and I can’t say there’s one visit where I didn’t sit at a bar and play video poker. Hey, it’s not like you’ll be able to enjoy alcoholic beverages out on the floor,where cocktail servers show up, oh, once every millennium. But enough of my soapbox.Bottom line:If you want to know how slot machines work, stay away from the blogs. Just read this magazine. And be sure to tell your friends. ✤ There’s no such thing as strategy in a slot game. The thing about slot machines is that they require nothing more than money and opposable thumbs. ” “

46 AUGUST 2022 ■ STRICTLY SLOTS ■ www.casinocenter.com