SOMA Living August 2021

REAL ESTATE

WORD UP

One of the critical components to marketing a home is the property description. As Realtors we need to abide by Fair Housing laws, as well as making sure our illustrative linguistics fit neatly into exact character & word lengths for multiple listing sites. Accurately and attractively portraying your property can take some serious noodling! But what does one do when faced with the task of verbally beautifying a bummer abode? Let’s examine some spicy property write-ups and decipher what they actually mean.

What it says: Full of potential! Loads of opportunity to make this home your own. What it means: This house is desperately ugly.

What is says: Tucked in a quiet neighborhood with serene views. What it means: Next to a cemetery.

What is says: Cozy spaces rife with charm! What it means: Your comfort level here will be akin to riding in the back seat of a Fiat.

What is says: Bring your contractor! What it means: Unless you are a contractor, skip.

They do say that a picture is worth a thousand words and, in real estate, this is no exception. So let’s break down a few telling photographic marketing tricks and how you should interpret them while house hunting.

What you see: The first listing photo is an interior shot. What it means: There’s no curb appeal. Like, zip.

What you see: There are no photos of the bathrooms. What it means: You’d probably rather go to the bathroom in a Porta Potty.

John B. Houston Funeral Home, Inc. “When you want the best for your loved ones’’

What you see: No photos of the backyard. What is means: Backyard? You’re silly.

I liken house shopping to trying on wedding dresses. You can pull magazine tears for months (that’s from my day - now the kids use Pinterest or Snap-Zap or Swizzle or what-the-heck-ever) but until you try something on in person - you just can’t tell what you’re going to love. There’s so much information online but remember, you can work with your Realtor to preview listings and give you their opinion on how the home will work for you in person versus just what you can see on the inter-web.

• Professional Pallbearers On Demand • Honorary Casket Guards • White Glove Services • Superior Restorative Art

John B. Houston Executive Director

“Serving with Excellence”

Kate Elliott is the leader of The Kate Elliott Team at Coldwell Banker 646-662-6655 Kate.elliott@cbmoves.com Insta: @KeyToNewJersey

Cushnie-Houston FUNERAL HOME 102 Sanford Street, East Orange, New Jersey 07018 Voice 973.678.1790 Fax 973.678.8023

JOHN B. HOUSTON FUNERAL HOME 236 Ellison Street, Paterson, New Jersey 07501 Voice 973.881.8200 Fax 973.881.8207

Triboro Funeral Home 2274 Adam Clayton Powell, Jr. Blvd., New York, New York 10030 Phone: 718-335-5613 Fax: 973.678.8023

WWW.JOHNBHOUSTONFUNERALHOME.COM

AUGUST 2021 | SOMA LIVING 17

@somalivingmagazine