NOCTILUCA January 2018

OPINIONS Appleton, Wisconsin January 2018 Volume XXIII

Issue III Page 3

Noctiluca Editorial Living in a complex world: the importance of blended thinking

L ove or hate, friend or enemy, right or wrong, fair or unfair. The list goes on, but the important thing to observe is that each group- ing focuses only on the ex- tremes. There is no middle ground, which is a prob- lem when it comes to our society’s categorizing na- ture. We want things to be simple, to fit into neat little boxes that can be bundled up and permanently sealed, when in reality, things are much more complex. More often than not, each unique situation is definitively nu- anced and multifaceted, By Lila Metko I am a high school senior. I am 17 years old. I have never been in a romantic relationship. I have never kissed a boy. I have never gone to a dance with any boy who I didn’t think of as more than a friend. I am truly in every way possible, single. There have been some days when I have felt so embarrassed that I didn’t want to show up at school knowing I would be the only student who had nev- er dated anyone. Nobody should have to feel like this. In many cases young women get the brunt of this shame because of the age- old stereotype that women must have a man behind them to truly be successful. In this day and age it is im- portant for young people to know that it is possible to have a happy, fulfilling life without being in a romantic relationship. My feelings of shame didn’t really start to become strong until the summer after my sophomore year when many of my friends got into what they called “serious” relationships. By November of my junior year I had discovered that when I walked down the

unable to be characterized by a strict and limited di- chotomy. The limitations of black and white thinking are made abundantly clear when analyzing the real world. Consider, for exam- ple, the most basic of cases: ice cream. When choosing a flavor to enjoy, to confine the decision to only choco- late or vanilla would be to willfully ignore an entire world of possibility. While perhaps easier, a world without mint chocolate chip or rainbow sherbert would certainly be more bland.

On a more serious note, though, things rarely do ac- tually follow a strict binary, even if they seem to at first. A controversial issue such as abortion may boil down to sides of “pro-life or pro- choice,” but in doing so, the very reason the topic is so heatedly debated in the first place is lost in the sim- plification. If it truly were so black and white, the is- sue would likely have al- ready been resolved. The importance of be- ing able to think and work within the gray space can- not be over-emphasized. Bob Ross understood this

concept well. On his TV show The Joy of Painting, Ross dedicated an entire episode to painting using grayscale, effectively illus- trating a stunning, three-di- mensional mountainscape on a flat canvas. Life works the same way. If left with just the polarity of black and white, the greatest ef- fect one can ever achieve remains two-dimensional. It is the blending of two ways of thinking, and thus the resulting “grays,” that gives depth and substance to a situation. Think of it this way: ex- pecting everything to fit in up that big of a part of my life. My “problem” if you will, is that I don’t want a relationship that’s based simply on looks and com- mon interests that will last for a few months. I want a relationship that is based on truly car- ing about the other person, which I hope will last for years. Only 2 percent of marriages in the U.S. are to a high school sweetheart. At this point in my life, I haven’t met anyone who makes me want to be part of that percent. My college journey has a much greater impact on my future than my relationship status in high school. Compared to the 70 per- cent of Americans who at- tend college, only 19 per- cent of students who marry their high school boyfriend enter higher education past high school. Being in a relationship with someone who you don’t truly love, or spend- ing time worrying about why you don’t have a boy- friend takes up a lot of time. Precious time that could be spent studying your butt off to see an A+ in the grade- book for the hardest test of the year in Chem, staying

either an “always” or “nev- er” category is futile in a “sometimes” world. Life is not easily compartmental- ized. Everything overlaps and interlocks, weaving a web of interconnected is- sues that is impossible to separate without cutting important strands. To be able to step back and rec- ognize the relatedness of the human condition is essential in developing a comprehensive understand- ing of the world around us. It is better to get tied up in the tapestry of life than it would be to oversimplify and dilute its vibrance. up all night with friends to watch movies and laugh so much you barely under- stand their plot, or most im- portantly staying at home with your family to frost Christmas cookies one last time before leaving home. I am not opposed to you getting in a relationship now, at this young age of 15,16,17 or 18. If you find someone who you truly care about, really know well and want to spend time with go ahead and date them. However, do not get in a relationship just to show your family that you’re “all grown up” and dating now, or to post on your Instagram “I’m so in love I got the cutest home- coming proposal!” Get in a relationship because see- ing that person makes you so happy, people will catch you smiling and you smile even more when you ad- mit why. Most of all DO NOT be sad because you are not dating anyone right now, ten years from now you will most likely find yourself looking back and laughing, regretting all of the tears, wishing you had spent the time enjoying be- ing young.

A few reasons why I don’t need a boyfriend...

A high school aged couple holding hands during their off hour together. Photo by Jake Zajkowski

halls in school it wasn’t just the upperclassmen proudly holding hands, it was many people in my grade. My feelings of despair became even worse when I realized one of the main topics of conversation among girls at my school was this: “Do you know so and so?”, “Oh yeah, she’s so and so’s girl- friend”, “Did you hear who she’s dating?” “Aww, yes they are so cute together”, and “Did you hear they broke up?” “She must be so devastated”. What made me really hurt was that these words came out of the mouths of my classmates who had previously taken a stand in strong support of

gender equality. It breaks my heart that women who proclaim themselves femi- nists feel that their class- mates must be in a rela- tionship or have a man to define them. Now, over a year later I am in the same place. Even so, I am feeling less and less ashamed about my relationship status every day. In the past year I have watched my friends’ hearts break and seen them waste much of their time that they could have spent on more important things like school and their family, crying. Also, I’ve realized that I don’t even know any boys I like enough to take