Montana Lawyer June/July 2024

exceled at the problem-solving process. But I must have been coping with it somehow- because it surely became real, and I now realize there were some things I would have done differently if I was running a solo practice again. So, that leads me to this month’s exercise: You might be secretly lonely if: 1. You can’t answer the question “how are you doing?” You might be se cretly lonely if: when someone asks you how you’re doing, your brain says “well, it’s too complicated to tell you, you wouldn’t understand, I don’t even know where to start, I’m not allowed to tell you anyway, and you don’t really want to know what I’ve seen today” and your mouth says “Fine! How are you?” Relief hits when they talk about themselves so you don’t have to. You may also be secretly lonely if the answer is a flood gate of verbal diarrhea because there’s no simple way to answer the question. To me, both of these opposites are a sign that you feel like you have no one to talk to, so maybe it’s time to find someone! Consider a practicing friend who’s in the same boat or a counselor. 2. You carry too many people’s secrets and problems all alone. Even

having staff or other attorneys in the office who you can debrief with or talk about how it feels to hold other people’s stories is better than keeping them all to yourself. In the solo family law context, try working with a neutral financial professional, a co-parenting coach, divorce coach, or other profes sional who can help carry the prob lem-solving load. If you’re all alone in keeping this information, acknowledge what a big deal that is, and be sure to give yourself some sort of outlet for dealing with that pressure. Perhaps make a mental picture of your client’s stories getting neatly tucked away each night in a file drawer so they don’t bother you at night. Goodnight, files! 3. You feel as uncertain about your legal arguments as you did when you were just starting. You might be secretly lonely if you have no one to tell you you’re on the right track or to offer you pep talks when you need them! It’s unlikely the judge (or maybe even your client) is going to offer posi tive reinforcement that you’re doing good legal work. It can be isolating when you have to conjure all your own courage! Seek out attorneys who you

trust to bounce ideas off of and who you feel don’t judge you for checking in to make sure you’re on the right track. You can bet they might feel the same way and will reach out when they need a confidence boost for themselves! 4. Most all of your relation ships are one-way. You might be secretly lonely if everyone in your life comes to you for advice, and you are the responsible one. You might see nice people all day long in your prac tice, but clients aren’t in a two-way relationship with you. They’re not going to make you less lonely even if they’re around all the time! Make sure you have people in your life where support runs both directions. If I had to try a solo again, I think it would be possible to preserve the autonomy while chilling the isola tion. I would try co-mediating more regularly, office sharing, or even starting a small group of solos or managers in similar situations so we could support one another. Although it took me quitting to realize it, hopefully this will help someone in the same boat!

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JUNE-JULY 2024

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