Montana Lawyer April/May 2024

LAWYER WELL-BEING & ASSISTANCE

Substance Use Disorder as an Occupational Hazard LESLIE HAGIN

I am an attorney and an alcoholic/ad dict. It took me decades to admit the last two “As” in that description, or even consider that my drinking and drug “habits” might have had any sort of adverse consequences in my life or the lives of others. I am now in recovery and have been for some time. But my ignorance, fear, ego, and denial almost cost me everything I had ever worked for and held dear, including my career, personal relationships, and my own life. I am writing this article in the hope that my experience and what I have learned may help someone else. driven for as long as I can remember, the progressive and chronic nature of the disease of alcoholism (and other substance misuse) took me down a very slippery slope. My use went from being (what I could pass off as) a professional networking and social lubricant, with the occasional binge and hangover, to my go-to tool for “managing” depression, anxiety, stress, and any other emotions, the effects of legal wins and losses, and finally everything I encountered and tried to control in my life. Then (sud denly, it seemed) I became a daily and constant user, not caring whether I lost my career, law license, and everybody and everything else in my life—as long as I could escape from myself and into my substances. In short, when I tried to control my drinking and substance use, I could not enjoy it and when I enjoyed my drinking and substance use, I could not control it. MY STORY After being a go-getter and career

I had no shut-off valve or stop button, no matter my will power and problem solving skills. And I did not want to stop, even after waking up very sick in an emergency room with no idea how I got there. After decades of living like this, I finally had to admit that my way was not working in any aspect of my life or ca reer. I created an increasingly miserable series of humiliating and painful experi ences. And I finally hit a point of futility. I was hopeless and living, literally, only to drink and use. I was in enough pain and so out of ideas to help myself that I paused digging my own demise just long enough to make an initial ask for help, unsure that help might even exist for me. From that first inquiry, I began a journey of learning and healing. I learned that alcoholism and substance use disorder (unless treated) are without exception equal opportunity progressive, chronic, and fatal diseases affecting every sort of person and profession. I learned

the challenges I faced were neither unique nor unconquerable. More specifically, I learned that alco holism and substance use disorder are diseases that are related to a number of risk factors such as depression, anxiety, and stress, and the diseases and the risk factors are especially prevalent among lawyers. But most importantly, I learned there is hope and a way out of the addic tion abyss. THE BROADER PROBLEM One of the first comprehensive studies of substance use disorder and related risk factors in the legal pro fession was published in 2016 in the Journal of Addiction Medicine, entitled “The Prevalence of Substance Use and Other Mental Health Concerns Among American Attorneys” (“2016 Krill Study”).1 It surveyed 12,825 licensed attorneys and found that 20.6 percent of those self-reported hazardous, harmful, and potential alcohol-dependent drink ing (also called problematic drinking).

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