Ingram's May 2023

BETWEEN THE LINES

Pointed Perspectives & Penetrating Punditry | by Jack Cashill

Skinny Jeans Crowd to Skin Us Once Again A mile to the south, Penn Valley Park offers a stark lesson before we remake the South Loop.

park. Watching a video of the April 11 presentation by landscape archi tect Nathan Elliott, I got the distinct impression that this is a done deal. Port KC, the Downtown Council of Kansas City, and the City of Kansas City are all in. So are any number of corporate boosters, some of whom are ponying up dollars as well as good wishes. Elliott, a principal with OJB’s San Diego office, conceded that Kansas City is new to him. So he and his col leagues began their cogitations with the question: “How can we make this a place that is authentically yours?” The answer seems to be to make it as much as possible like every other urban area manufactured for and by the skinny-jeans crowd. The South Loop website tells us as much. “Taking inspiration from urban parks such as Dallas’ Klyde Warren Park,” its authors brag, “the South Loop creates a more sustainable Downtown with a commitment to prioritize pedestrians, cyclists, and multimodal transportation.” An empty buzzword at its best, it is hard to know, in this case, what the boosters mean by “sustainable.” If the word means making life more difficult for those dependent on automobiles, they may have a point. Although boosters tell us that the park will provide a “bridge” between Power & Light and the Crossroads District, there will be at least one fewer actual bridge over I-670, which means one fewer reason to go Downtown. Cyclists and pedestrians will apparently rule the day in our rei magined city, which would be great were it not for winter, rainy days, and a population whose median age is 38 and whose median waist size is greater than its age—and getting greater by the day. As it happens, too, the wearing of skinny jeans makes cycling so

Perhaps no predilection better sums up the essence of today’s young “thought leaders” than their affection for so-called “skinny jeans.” Uncomfortable, expensive, and unattractive, these jeans shout conformity from the rooftops. Whenever I hear a wearer speak—especially if he/she/they “upspeak”—I reach for my wallet. Now these folks are asking for roughly $200 million for a park to bridge I-670, the so-called South Loop. For all their professed affection for parks, however, I have never seen a man or woman in skinny jeans in Penn Valley Park, where I walk about every other day. What I do see are people even crazier than I am, some conspicuously so. One guy, for instance, wears short shorts and goes shirtless in the middle of the winter as he practices some wild, home-grown form of martial arts. Crazy people like parks.

When I walk through the park, I always bring my shillelagh, a walking stick made from stout knotty blackthorn with a head roughly the size and density of a shot put. I wouldn’t go without it. As much as I like Penn Valley Park, I don’t trust the place entirely. The larger section of Penn Valley, east of Broadway, serves many functions, but the beautifully sculptured western section is prettier. For the stout of heart, it is the “refuge,” the “urban oasis” that civic lead ers hope the planned South Loop Park will be. Unfortunately, it is also a disgrace. Nearly as many people live in the park as hike or fish there. I am sure the

Nearly as many people live in Penn Valley Park as hike or fish there. I am sure the homeless have many virtues, but neat ness is not high among them.

homeless have many virtues, but neatness is not high among them. At its worst, the park is almost comically trashy. Lining the potentially sparkling stream are beer cans, fast-food wrappers, suitcases, shopping carts, and more discarded items of clothing than you could find in a well-stocked Goodwill store. Not long ago, I asked a park board commissioner why he and his colleagues let the park devolve into this kind of post apocalyptic messiness. He told me in all sincerity that they did not have the money to keep it clean. Apparently, though, the city does have the money, $200 million worth, to create a new park a little more than a mile away. Go figure. As envisioned, the South Loop Project will cover about a four-block-long stretch of I-670 east of Bartle Hall with a

Jack Cashill Ingram’s Senior Editor P | 816.842.9994 E | Editorial @ Ingrams.com

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Kansas City’s Business Media

May 2023