Ingram’s January 2023

B E T W E E N T H E L I N E S

Pointed Perspectives & Penetrating Punditry | by Jack Cashill

Class Warfare on Truman Road There’s a lot to be said for creating bike lanes in Kansas City—just not in places where they simply don’t make sense.

families, they do real physical work. They cannot quite grasp people whose “work” is done for “fun.” These drivers may not have the word “dilettante” in their working vocabulary, but I am sure they know one when they see one, and I was rapidly becoming one. After a close call or two with passing trucks, I was reminded of that old Chinese adage, “The cockroach is always wrong when arguing with chicken.” I could throw a finger until it came out of the socket or shout “a**hole” until I turned blue, but that entity lying bruised and bloodied on the side of the road was never the chicken. A tombstone inscribed “the other guy was wrong” would make me no less dead. Drivers did not

At the age of 30, I decided that each new year, I would teach myself to master some new skill. At the top of my list was riding a bicycle. Growing up in a crowded city, I never did learn. This was a secret shame that I know others share but refuse to admit. What I did not anticipate was that upon learning to ride, I would become, like many adult bicyclers, a raging narcissist and road hog. When narcissists think collectively, they can be the most fearsome lobbying bloc on the planet. If proof were needed, one need only check out the proposed new bike lanes on Truman Road. Yes, that Truman Road. Before exploring the Truman Road brouhaha and the psy chology behind it, let me suggest a training regime for those

still closeted non-riders. After about age six, it looks really, really bad to have some exas perated adult push you down a public street yelling “Attaboy!” In my case, I got hold of a mo-ped, took it to some unseen byway, and rode up and down self-propelled for about an hour before “it” came to me. I then put the mo-ped aside, hopped on a bicycle, and marveled at how I had let so simple a skill elude me for, lo, those many years.

cause my undoing, but my bum right knee eventua l ly did. Once sidelined, it rea l ly hit me how non-inclusive cycling was. As long as I was among the elect, I could think as the elect did, but once out, I had to rethink everything, starting with cyc lists in groups. Partly for self- protection but lar-

When cyclists unite and take to the road in a cluster, groupthink takes over. They quickly become individually unrecognizable, even to the mothers who suckled them.

Having learned to ride, I next mastered the etiquette of urban bicycling. To this day, I cannot control a bike with my right hand, let alone no hands, but I learned quickly to control the bicycle with just my left hand. This kept my right hand free for a better use, namely flipping the bird to anyone who dared intrude on “my space,” wherever I designated that space to be. The Advent of Moral Superiority Still in my thirties, I joined the noisy Yuppie throng demand ing special set-aside bike lanes. To prove my moral superiority, I even biked to work on a few occasions. It was then that reality began to set in. On a bicycle, you are quickly reminded of how hilly Kansas City is. On nice days, I got to work all sweaty and nasty. On days that were cold or rainy, the bike was next to useless. Worse, during rush hours, I learned, drivers are even less patient than they are on Sunday mornings. After all, no one gets docked for being late to church. Pickup truck drivers were the least obliging. I suspect it’s a class thing. To feed their

gely for self-esteem, adult bicyclers almost inevitably find their way to some bicycle club or another. When they take to the road in a cluster, groupthink takes over, and they be- come individually unrecognizable to the mothers who suckled them. A little better equipped, and I can imagine them invading Poland. This is an international pheno menon. I did not recognize the menace of it all until I lived abroad. On one occasion in Ireland, we ran smack into some improvised road rally and had to pass at least 30 clusters of belligerent bicyclers on a road barely wide enough

Jack Cashill Ingram’s Senior Editor P | 816.842.9994 E | Editorial @ Ingrams.com

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Kansas City’s Business Media

January 2023