Huntington Quarterly Autumn 2022

[ l as t l augh]

Future Centennial Headlines

By Clint McElroy

C ongratulations to the Guyan Golf & Country Club and the United Way! Both hit their 100th anni

Chilifest in 2084: “Helping Keep Tums in Business Since 1984.”

versary, as commemorated in the edition of Huntington Q uarterly that you hold in your hot little hands right now. Kudos to Jack and his staff for helping us remember these accom plishments. In the coming years I hope the magazine continues to mark such landmark anniversaries. To showmy appreciation, I would like to go ahead andwrite the headlines for more centennial observations that should show up in future editions of H Q . And away we go… Jim’s Steak and Spaghetti House in 2038: “Providing a Century of Little Orange Stains on White Shirts and Blouses.” Marshal l University in 2037: “Celebrating the Centennial of Our Centennial.”

The We Are Marshall movie in 2106: “We Haven’t Seen Matthew McConaughey Back in Town in a Century!” Jamie Oliver’s 100th birthday in 2075: “Remembering the ManWho Fat-Shamed an Entire Town.” Keith-AlbeeTheatre in 2028: “100 Years ofMakingOut in the BackRow Under the Balcony.” WSAZ in 2095: “Station Opens Time Capsule Buried After Mr. Cartoon’s Last Show: ‘Beeper’ Found Inside Alive andWell.” Closing of The French Tavern in 2083: “ACentury Later andYou Can Still Smell the Onion Soup in the West End.” Ritter Park Fountain in 2099: “100 Years of Bountiful Bubbles.”

A century of little orange stains.

The man who fat-shamed a town.

Route 60 in 2026: “Sorry, folks: The commemoration of the highway’s 100th birthday has been postponed because the guests of honor are stuck in traffic.”

Clint McElroy’s 100th birthday in 2055: “Hmmm. Sorry, but that name doesn’t ring a bell.”

80

A U T U M N 2 0 2 2

H U N T I N G T O N Q U A R T E R L Y