Escapees May-June 2023

thoughts for the road

honey, I’m retiring. You are now the cook.” He said, “You know I don’t know how to cook!” “You’ll learn when you get hungry enough.” The audience laughed. A few days later, Joe went for his annual check-up. When Joe came out, he said the doctor wanted to see me. When I went in, the doctor said, “Joe is losing weight and needs three solid meals a day or he’ll die.” I knew immediately Joe had asked him to say that and as soon as I came out, Joe asked what the doctor said. I replied, “He said you’d better learn to cook or you’re gonna die.” Joe laughed and said, “You win.” Now he does the cooking! He always comes up with something good, even if it is a strange combination and often unrecognizable. Twice a week I give him a break and tell him it’s my turn. Then we go to a restaurant for lunch and I remind him to save some to take home because that’s his supper, too. Both of us had bad marriages the fi rst time around. We met through an organization called Parents Without Partners (PWP), where there are six women to every man. Joe thrived on the attention because his ego needed a boost after his fi rst wife left him and their four children (ages 4, 7, 9 and 11) to ride off into the sunset with someone who had a full head of hair. I didn’t have much time for dating because I was working two jobs to support three children (8, 11, 12). I had no help from my ex-husband, who was an alcoholic. Both Joe and I realized the advantages of the PWP weekly discussion groups and attended them all. These were intense discussions because people felt safe in talking about their beliefs, worries about raising children alone, the effect on our children when we began dating and about entering the scary world of steppar ents. Joe and I discovered we shared a lot of values and beliefs. After two years of dating other women, he fi nally got around to me. Less than four months later, we were married and raising seven children together. During our 45 years of marriage, neither of us has ever called the other an ugly name, yelled or brought up something from the past to hurt the other. When we disagree, we respect our different viewpoints because we are two different people. So if you didn’t get my message the fi rst time around, and you were one of those who thought I should “dump Joe and get someone to love me,” let me assure you there is no one who could love me more. And there is no other man on earth I would exchange for “my Joe.” An excerpt from Escapees magazine November/December 2011

I owe an apology to our newer members who haven’t had a chance to get to know Joe and me on a personal level. I tend to forget, many never went to an Escapade when Joe and I were giving seminars. Both of us used ourselves, or each other, as the “butt” of jokes that were intended to make a speci fi c point. Reality hit me like a sucker punch after one person who read my column in the November/December 2009 issue suggested I “dump Joe and fi nd someone who will really love you.”

W hat new members may not understand is that Joe and I can tease and joke about each other because we are blessed with a marriage that was based on a deep friendship before love. We are what the younger gener ation calls “soulmates.” The point I was making in that column was that people are different, but we love them for, and in spite of, their uniqueness. In past seminars, Joe told jokes on me—especially about my cooking. With seven children and a hard-working husband, I had to cook, but I always considered it a waste of time. By the time I got that meal cleaned up, it was time to begin fi xing the next one. When the children were on their own, and Joe and I were full-time RVing, Joe started joking about my cook ing at a seminar. I spontaneously retorted, “Don’t worry,

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May/June 2023 ESCAPEES Magazine